*Note: I originally started writing this post in May (yes, MAY). And if that doesn’t speak to who I am as a person, then I don’t know what will)*
I feel like I do this too often.
I’ll announce my grand return to the blogosphere, post that, only to drop off the face of the earth for….
How long has it been?
ALMOST NINE MONTHS!!!! Damn, it really didn’t feel that long.
I don’t know why I struggle to keep up with this. I do enjoy it. Sitting here, typing up a post, it’s familiar and feels comforting. Maybe it’s because it seems like there aren’t too many people who are active on here anymore.
If you’re one of our old friends reading this and we don’t keep in touch, know that I miss you. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Please, feel free to reach out anytime and we’ll find a way to stay in contact.
I don’t even know if I want to begin to address the current state of the world. It’s a lot to take in, y’know? Personally, I’ve been stuck at home for five and a half months now and it looks like I will be for the foreseeable future.
For me though, this isn’t new. I’ve done this before.
If you’ve been here a while you might remember about three years ago I had some issues with my mental health that forced me to do school with tutors from my dining room table. I basically never left my house. It was an awful experience and when I found out that I’d have to do it again, I was scared. I didn’t want this time to feel like last time. But it doesn’t, and I’m not the same person I was three years ago.
It feels good. Change is good, y’know? I’m so much better equipped for this than I was three years ago. And it’s a strange thing to be able to say that I was “prepared” in a sense, for a global pandemic.
When I last left off, it was December. I was so excited because I’d just been assigned my first big paper at the mainstream school. I was so excited because I felt like I had a real, big expectation placed on me. And I did write most of the paper, but after school moved online, my teacher postponed the due date and then never assigned a new one soooooo….
Anyway, I’M ABOUT TO BE A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR!!!! This time next week, I will have just completed the first day of my senior year…. from my laptop in my bedroom.
Yeah, it’s not exactly how I imagined my senior year would start out but it is what it is. I’ll be continuing with my split-schedule between the mainstream school and the alternative school. And at the mainstream school I’ll be taking two honors classes!
Point is, I’m a senior. I’m a senior and I’m going to graduate on time. I’m a senior and I’m applying to colleges, schools away from home at that.
I made it.
Freshman year was awful and 15 year-old me was convinced she’d drop out before long. But I didn’t. I’m here. I’ve found my way back to myself. The person I was before I got sick. And I’ve made her better. Slowly but surely, I’m becoming the very person I’ve always wanted to be.
If anyone’s interested, I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life (at least I’m 99% sure). I want to teach secondary English with a certification in special education. I’m not sure when I’ll manage to get certified for special ed., considering that most secondary education programs already require that you double major in secondary education and the subject you wish to teach. Maybe I’ll get it later on, I can figure that out when I get there.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I didn’t plan this post. I just wanted to write. I wanted to share. I’ve missed this. This familiar place that once brought me so much joy.
I want to return. I want to write about things that 17 year-old me cares about. Because, let’s face it, 13 year-old me was weird. I have ideas and stories to tell and feelings to share.
And there’s no place else I’d rather share them.
So if you’ve been here a while, it’s really nice to see you again. And if you’re new, welcome to the shit show, I hope you’ll stick around for the ride.
I believe I said it at some point in December, but it’s worth repeating: I’m unsure where Lyss stands. I don’t know if she’ll return. I haven’t talked to her about it. But please know that she and I are still very close. And I will be forever grateful to have a friend like her. So even if she doesn’t return, I can say with certainty that this blog always has and always will hold a place in her heart. She will always love and cherish the friends we’ve made over the years.
Thank you for reading. To those of you who’ve been here a while, thank you for sticking around. I hope you have a great day or night, wherever you are in the world.
See you soon!!!