Hey guys, welcome back. I haven’t been writing as frequently lately and that’s because I’ve hit a road block. I don’t want to keep telling you guys about my day over and over because that gets repetitive and boring.
I know for the past week I’ve kinda had my reasons for not posting but in my book that’s no excuse.
I feel obligated.
And although I always feel like such a bitch for saying this, I’m going to. Because I need to get my feelings out.
I feel like I’m the only one holding up this blog. Nowadays, Lyss will post something, say she’s back, and then disappear for another week. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who cares which is so not true but it hurtsto start something with another person and both be so passionate about it, and then one day it feels like the other just doesn’t care.
Im not going to abandon this blog don’t worry. I’m trying but lately I’ve just been so out of it. I can’t write anymore of the underground because I don’t have ideas right now. My life has fallen apart and I’m just so pissed at everything all the time.
I find myself shying away from people and then getting mad when I’m not invited to things. My dad is always reminding me how out of shape I am. How I should start walking. I hate myself more than ever.
I can’t recall a time when I’ve felt pretty. I find it hard to believe I was ever skinny. My self esteem is so low.
I hung out with Lyss, two of our friends, and one of their friends who I I didn’t know yesterday. And it was fun and cool, until they started with snapchat. The pictures and videos with me in them or my voice in them made me want to crawl in a hole and cry. My friend had a mirror in front of her bed that I was consciously trying to move away from.
The thing is, I can’t ask my friends to stop taking pictures and videos for snapchat. But I wish they’d stop because all my friends are well-known at school. (I won’t say popular because that makes them sound stereotypical). I don’t want all those people to see my face.
So, to any real life friend of mine who may be reading, even though I sound like a bitch, please don’t put me on your snapchat story. Don’t send pictures of me to even our closest friends. I’m trying really hard to make myself be more a part of the group and I know you don’t really get it but it’s things like that that give me so much anxiety. I love you all but I find it so difficult to be in a group with you guys sometimes and it’s really not your fault. Just, please try to make it easier for me.
See ya soon