2016 overall review

12/31/16

Hey guys its lyss and im gonna just say it now, 2016 may have been the worst year i’ve ever experienced. It was stressful, eventful, and left me feeling hopeless many times. But it also provided me with sensational, amazing, fulfilling moments that many times left me speechless with happiness- and im gonna take a run through my 2016.

During my january through march i can barely remember anything but the play, with my one line i was so proud and i had the best time. But spring just confused me, i found saweed liked me and i freaked out and finals were stressful, my lowest grade being an 88. But my summer was amazing and i can say wholeheartedly one of the greatest summers ive ever had.

But then i got a bit anxious when school presented itself. And the day before school i got my ears pierced and a haircut that was SHORT- short but i was terrified of school. The first day back id didnt talk voluntarily until the end of the day and i knew i was screwed.

Fall showed up and bam the play was back and i got a big part!! I was so so so happy! I made friends like lee lee, and Al but it also brought mounds of stress. My dog nipped a kid and was almost taken away and i was devasted, and stressed, and i cried my freaking eyes out. 

Then december rolled around and i met a boy who actually likes me and i like him… but his phone got taken away for break and my dumbass told him i didnt like him bwfore break but then told him over break, FORGETTING HE HAD HIS PHONE TAKEN AWAY. So he doesnt know i like him and i dont know if he likes me anymore. This is what you get for being doubtful and naive lyss. Ughhhhhh and that has me stressed. People are saying Al likes me and im being so naive about it that i dont know anymore. But i see him tonight so wish me luck. 

But what can i say about 2016? 

Trash. Trash. And more trash. But this blog has gotten me through tough times even if i wasnt always active and just know im always grateful for you guys. Youre all our friends and we consider you guys to be as real and close as our irl friends. Anyways i hope your 2016 didnt suck as much as mine. (I left out a few personal bits that made my 2016 a bit more suckish also) 

And this posted by accident while i was in the middle of writing but thank you for the support and 170 followers 🙂

-Lyss

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My 2016 Review

12/30/16

Hey guys, welcome back. So I think we can all agree that 2016 was a pretty sucky year. A lot happened, not much of it good.

I’m not even going to get into the politics and war and how at times it truly did seem like we were all doomed. For me I can confidently say that 2016 was the most rollercoaster like year I’ve ever experienced.

For starters, this time last school year I was wrapping up the second marking period of my seventh grade and looking back now, I had a great school year last year. While there were plenty of laughs there were also teachers that were so horrible that cliques disappeared in the classroom and we all clung together for some sanity.

In the spring of 2016, I was for the first time putting forth an actual effort to work out and get healthy. Which I ultimately didn’t stick to but it was the first time I realized that I could do something about the way I feel about myself.

Then came finals week at school which went very well for me. I did quite well on my exams, my lowest grade being a 92.

Over the summer, my anxiety took over my life for a bit causing a lot of mood swings which I’m not proud of. However I also got my first phone and spent a lot of time with my friends. I discovered that there were some friends I had that weren’t worth hanging onto and since then I have let them go.

In the fall there was a lot of stress with the start of eighth grade. There was also a lot of loss in my family, something I’d like to keep more private. The people who I lost meant a lot to me and it took me quite a while before I was fully okay again.

December brought my 14th birthday, the first birthday where I had a party in which I invited people because I wanted to, not because I felt like I had to.

Throughout 2016 my anxiety has been a huge part of life for me. As I’ve gotten older it has gotten worse. However, 2016 was also a year of learning to open up and ask for help. Though I still keep my emotions pretty hidden,  I’m slowly finding it easier to tell people when I’m not okay.

The highlight of 2016 was this blog. We have made so many friends this year and grown closer to some older ones. This blog has been here to support me through thick and thin and I couldn’t be more grateful. The lovely comments you all leave make my day every single day and I couldn’t imagine life without you in it. Everybody has been so understanding throughout this whole year and I hope that we all continue to love and support eachother throughout 2017. Thank you all so much for joining me during this very emotional year. Happy New Year to each and every one of you. ❤

Here’s to 2017, let’s make it better shall we?

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Break

12/29/16

Hey so its lyss and this is gonna be a short blog, um no im not going on break its because its winter break (wow shocker another unannounced break?) 

I just wanted to update you guys so um, i got everything i asked for, for christmas, i got a tv, hair curler, makeup and monnneeyy. I just came back from long island with my nana which was pretty fun and when i got back my parents told me im getting my brothers room and moving into it today and we are repainting it and such so thats fun, my mom has officially given me dating permission?! Uh so i dont know how i feel about that, i mean i feel pretty good about myself and yeah i dont really have plans for new years unless lee lee comes through with his plans for new years and decides to invite me over with his “girl” who just broke up with her boyfriend leaving lee lee with a spot to fill, if ya know what i mean 😉 and yep thats pretty much it. And i think you can all guess what my new years resolution is, be more consistent with this blog damn it

-Lyss

Today’s Adventure

12/28/16

Hey guys, welcome back. Today, my parents wanted to wake me and my brothers up early so we could go to an arcade. Last night, I couldn’t sleep and was up until 4:45 desperately trying to get some rest. And as you can imagine, I had trouble getting up.

My parents wanted everybody up by 9 and out of the house by 11. I got up at ten and didn’t even sit up before anxiety completely took over.

I started absolutely freaking out. Crying, shaking, everything felt so overwhelming. And it was all because I realized that it’s Christmas break, the arcade was offering a deal today where everything was half price, and that meant it would be filled with people.

The thought of such a crowded room with nowhere to escape to calm myself down if I needed it was way too much to handle.

My mom assured me that she wouldn’t leave my side the whole time and we could take two cars in case I wanted to leave early. I got dressed reluctantly because I didn’t want my brothers to be mad at me.

I left my room only to find out that one brother didn’t feel well, the other was still showering, my dad hadn’t gotten out of his pajamas and my mom had given up and decided we wouldn’t go.

I started crying all over again, which really confused my mom because she thought I didn’t want to go. I didn’t. I was crying because I had forced myself to get dressed and push myself way too far for nothing. I had worried for nothing. And I thought it was my fault and my brothers would be unhappy.

So yeah that happened. I feel like talking about my anxiety so much seems like I’m looking for attention and if it’s coming across that way I really do apologize. This is just what’s happening in my life right now and this blog is the best form of therapy I could ask for.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Pesky Parents

12/27/16

Hey guys, welcome back. So today has been pretty mediocre. Nothing too exciting happened other than at 1:30 this afternoon a friend of mine came to the door and asked if I wanted to go on a walk with her, my neighbor, and two other girls.

I agreed even though I’m not super close with any of them and we got to the corner of my street before my neighbor’s mother stepped onto her porch and yelled,”Girls come back.” I don’t know why. As far as I knew they had asked if we could go on a walk. I mean, we’re 13-14 year olds, it’s a residential neighborhood in a town where the most exciting thing that happens is the Memorial Day parade and we all have phones on us 24/7 so I honestly don’t see the problem.

But whatever she’s an adult so we listened and wandered back toward her house and when we got there she said “come on in and have some snacks.” I mean, she’s a nice lady and all and I can’t say much because she’s my Girl Scout leader but she treats us like we’re 9 and I can’t stand it.

So she made us come in and eat stale cookies on a beautiful day instead of going on a walk. I made the excuse that my dad had left one of my brothers home alone, which was true, and that he wanted me to go home so he wouldn’t be by himself, which was a white lie. I’m sorry but I was bored out of my mind  and there’s only so much you can do when you don’t want one of the girls at the table to know about your snapchat so I feel like I was justified.

Later in the evening I started to feel some anxiety over literally nothing which kind of sucks. I’m so not looking forward to going back to school which is ridiculous to think about since I still have a week off.

Yeah well that’s about it. I really do apologize for these kinda crappy posts I’m just trying to get myself back into blogging after doing it so irregularly for so long. I promise in a few weeks time I’ll write posts that actually sound somewhat intelligent and thought out.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Sleeping Patterns

12/26/16

Hey guys, welcome back. So how was your Christmas? I hope it was good. Mine went well (assuming you were wondering). I got evertything I asked for, which honestly wasn’t much, and I was so grateful to have the time with my family. Dinner with my extended family is always filled with laughter and happy memories and is always something I look forward to.

Something that’s been quite odd lately though is my sleeping patterns. Usually, I’m a person who likes schedules and routines so a change in the way I’m sleeping is a bit worrying.

I’ve been falling asleep very abruptly, often as I relax on my bed. If I get a little sleepy, I tend to go lie down in bed just to rest a bit with a book or quiet music until I’m actually ready to go to bed. But recently, as I lie there, I get so tired that I fall asleep with clothes and makeup on, contacts in, the light still shining, door shut, and book/phone in hand. It really isn’t good.

Another thing that’s been happening is I’ve started to nap. I never EVER used to be able to nap. I would try desperately but just couldn’t. Now, it seems to be happening against my will. If I get tired during the day, sometimes I set a timer for ten minutes and shut my eyes, never actually falling asleep, just resting. However in the past weeks, the timer doesn’t even seem to matter as I’ve been falling asleep for hours at a time.

My best guess for this sudden change in pattern is that it’s probably because of anxiety and all the sleep I’ve lost to worrying in the last month.

I hope you somehow enjoyed this strange update kind of post. I really want to take the break from school to re-dedicate myself to this blog because I truly enjoy posting and I’ve missed it so much. I don’t like posting infrequently. I have to learn to accept that there will be negative posts because sometimes I’ll need to release negative thoughts.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)

Merry Christmas Friends!🎄

12/24/16

Merry Christmas to our little blogging family! We hope all have a very happy holiday wether you celebrate Christmas or not. We’d like to let you know that even though the two of us haven’t been very active bloggers lately that we’re taking the day off tomorrow since it’s a special holiday. We encourage you to spend the time with you friends and/or family, off of your phone. This is one of the only times of year where it isn’t too hard for everyone to be together so take advantage of that. 

We love you all so very much and hope you have a great day. Also to any of our fellow Jewish people (or half Jewish if you’re like us) happy Hanukkah!

– Lyss 😊 and Dani ❤

It Was Too Much Today

12/20/16

Hey guys, welcome back. I took a step backwards today, only making it to two classes. It just wasn’t a good day, like at all.

The thing I’ve realized though is that when my mom sees that I’m better when I’m not going to school/in the conselour’s office, she doesn’t know I’m really not. Places like the office and the car are just safe environment where I feel that I can let my guard down. Anyone with anxiety knows that you just put on a smile and go to school and dance class and piano and talk to your friebds and you pretend that you didn’t spend your morning crying in the school office.

Today I couldn’t push myself farther and the two classes that I did go to were really hard to get through, though you’d probably never guess by looking at me.

I deserve an oscar.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

I Don’t Want To Be This Person

12/18/16

Hey guys, welcome back. I’m not going to apologize for these rant-like posts, even if I feel like I’m bringing people down by writing them. It’s really very therapeutic for me to write out my feelings during a hard time like this. And if this hard time HAS to be riht before Christmas, I’m still going to write about it.

Back to the point about feeling like I’m bringing people down. I just feel like I come across as a very sad, unhappy person lately and I’m making my friends concerned. I don’t want people worrying about me, especially not this time of year.

I don’t want to be the person bringing everyone else down.

I try my best to put on a brace face in the halls and during lunch but I’m so scared of school right now.

My conselours job is to push me and get me to class but I’m just not convinced I can handle everything yet. Tomorrow is going to be so hard and she really wants me to get through whole days this week. I’m just not sure I’m ready for that. My mental state is still all out of whack and I feel kind of crazy.

I just sometimes think that maybe it’s not even real and I’ve made it all up. Maybe I just sub-consciously want attention. Cause my parents seem to think that I can just stop crying and calm down and go to class. So maybe it isn’t real.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

All I Can Do Is Try

12/17/16

Hey guys, welcome back. Today I had my first piano recital and I think it went okay. I played Away In A Manger and Joy To The World.

My anxiey was absolutely through the roof. So much so that as I put my hands on the keys to get ready to play I was actually shaking.

Other than that, I’m already freaking out about Monday. I promised my conselour that I would go to science class Monday which scares me. There are so many people in that class that I have multiple classes with and there is no way they haven’t noticed that I’m in some classes and not others.

Tech is also really freaking me out. There’s so much I have to make up and catch-up on and break is approaching fast. Midway through January I stop taking that class. It’s not the most important grade but it’s still a grade.

I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get through this week. I feel so bad that I haven’t posted The Underground in so long, I’m so sorry the quality of my posts has declined. I just hope you understand that my head is really out of sorts right now. I know that nobody would actually comment saying that they’re mad at me and nobody probably even is. I just can’t help but worry.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/