Hey guys, welcome back. I’m not going to apologize for my short absence because I feel that an apology is unnecessary. You know what I’m going through and everyone has been so understanding and supportive and I thank you so much for that.
There is something I want to say and it’s hard to say because I really don’t know how many of my friends from school know about our blog. But I need to say this because it’s something I have to talk about.
I go to therapy.
Yeah okay I get it. It doesn’t seem like it’s that big of a deal and I don’t know why it’s hard to talk about but it is.
I’ve been in therapy since I was 9 when I was dealing with some minor friendship issues. I’d had the same therapist from then until about a month ago.
She is a fantastic person and I am so grateful for all the help that she gave me during that time but after a while she stopped benefitting me.
When my anxiety got worse and I tried to express my feelings, she thought I was also depressed which, if I’m honest, I don’t know if that’s true. I’m still trying to figure that out. But she really leaned more towards that and whenever I tried talking about finding coping skills she’d just kind of avoid the topic. I never learned how to cope with my feelings when I was seeing her.
Whenever I went in she’d just ask how I was. Never really discussing anxiety
Then she was telling me about hospitals that offer both inpatient and outpatient treatment for teens with mental illness. But although it was-and is- extreme, my anxiety isn’t THAT bad.
She stopped being available for me. She started canceling appointments, double booking me, and pushing off my appointments for weeks.
Finally, I realized that when I walked out of her office, I’d feel worse. I was sad and hopeless whenever I left the building. I never left there feeling better.
My mom started looking for a new therapist and we found one who I really like. I feel like I’ve gotten farther with her in our three sessions than I did with the other in a year.
Today I went to see her and already she is helping me learn to cope with my feelings when I start to have a panic attack. She is trying to help me learn to manage my feelings as well as unraveling the complex web that is my brain.
And today she said something I’ve heard before, but for whatever reason, today it meant something different.
Literally speaking, she was talking about when I get anxious and I tend to hold my breath. She taught me about deep breathing and she was reminding me to breathe when I’m nervous.
However, I thought of it as a way of telling me to keep pushing myself a little farther each day. To keep fighting.
Even if school is still very day by day, even if I still can’t go to class tomorrow or the next day, keep breathing.
I can very confidently say that it was the first therapy appointment in a long time that I left feeling better.
See ya soon!!!