Hey guys, welcome back. The title of this post is no doubt confusing to you as I have panic attacks quite frequently. I usually write about them when they happen which lately, has been almost a daily occurrence.
However yesterday I had my first absolutely full-blown panic attack in school.
I found it really hard to go in yesterday. By the time I actually made it to school it was 11:20 am. My conselour wasn’t in yesterday morning so my plan was to see the school social worker to figure out how my day would go.
My mom went to sign me in and I went to the social worker’s office. I get there, walk into the little waiting room and see on her door a sign with big red writing on it that says, “Mrs. C is out today.”
I sped walked back towards the office, near tears, praying that my mom hadn’t left yet. Just as I was about to turn the corner, I heard her car start. (My mom’s car has a very distinct sound). The entire front wall of our wing is made of glass so I stood there watching my mom drive away.
I get to the office and outside is our school resource officer and two security guards. The SRO asked if I was okay and I told her that the social worker wasn’t in. She could see that I was about to cry and took me into the office’s conference room.
I was almost in hysterics. She was trying to ask me questions but all I was able to say was that I had anxiety. I needed to just curl up and sob at that point and all the SRO kept saying was, “Don’t cry”. At this point, I felt like I was dying.
I sat in the conference room crying, trying not to be too loud.
The other conselour was sent in and I felt so bad when I realized it was her birthday. She tried to talk to me but I just got more and more upset. I felt like screaming. At some point her voice started sounding very far away and she guided me into her own office and let me sit there to try and calm down.
Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.
My own conselour came in and she made feel a bit better but I was still shaking while I was in her office. She called my mom and told her what happened and let me talk to her.
At that point I didn’t think I’d make it through the day.
It took about an hour for me to stop physically crying and another hour for me to feel okay enough to leave the office.
I spent literally ten minutes in the school library reading and freaking out the whole time. And then, my orchestra teacher became the best person on the face of this planet.
She allowed me to hang out with her in the auditorium and help her set up for that afternoon’s rehearsal which I would be at.
The simplest task of moving instruments from the storage room to the auditorium for tuning made me feel so much better.
She let me eat my lunch with her which was two hours after my actual lunch period because I couldn’t eat until that point.
And when everything was ready to go I just read some more and by then it was time for rehearsal.
The initial realization that 56 more people were about to enter the room freaked me out for a moment but my seat was thankfully the row closest to the edge of the stage so I didn’t feel super trapped.
So yeah, that was the story of that time I had a panic attack. I’m proud of myself for actually making it through the day cause I honestly thought that I might collapse into myself and melt into a puddle on the floor.
See ya soon!!!