Long time, No see

Hey guys, it’s Lyss and i genuinely apolgize, yada yada youve heard my apologies before but at the moment i can barely keep my eyes open and i would love love love to tell you about everything thats been going on here so i promise and dani will make sure i tell you guys and write tomorrow! I swear!! But like i said i can barely stay awake so ill fill you in then!

-Lyss

 

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I Broke My Promise!

2/25/17

Hey guys, welcome back. I’m so sorry. I promised a blog post yesterday and there wasn’t one. But I do have an explination. I was feeling so sick and lightheaded all day. For an hour I even had vertigo and I just didn’t even move. By some miracle I took a shower without passing out.

Anyway on to today.

I started group therapy. I think I’ve mentioned this but I’ll just say it again. My psychiatrist has a friend who works at one of the local hospitals studying anxiety and it’s causes and all that. She wanted to host a group for some of my psychiatrist’s patient to teach us about CBT and other stuff.

I went to the first group today and I was expecting at least three other people and it turned out just to be me and one other girl. I liked the doctor she was really nice but I thought she should’ve started the group differently. It was just kind of awkward. She’d ask me questions and then I’d answer and she’d ask the other girl the same questions and she’d answer. And it just kind of felt like I was listening to someone else’s appointment.

I actually kind of like that it’s only one other girl. There might be one more but she still has to decide. But with just the two of us, it felt less intimidating.

Anyway after that I went lamp/rug/curtain rod shopping with my mom for my room. It was kind of a bust. We went to four different places and then I’d just had enough. I was sweating (it was 63 degrees Fahrenheit today!), I was tired and I was starting to feel sick again so I asked to go home.

This evening Lyss came over and we hung out together. She probably would’ve ended up sleeping over but my mom has to work tomorrow so that didn’t happen. But I did manage to get her to start a blog post which should’ve gone up already but I’m not sure. She has a lot to tell you so it should be interesting.

Anyway that was pretty much it. I’m sorry that my posts are going to be kind of crappy for a while. I’m really just trying to get back into the routine and everything while I’m sorting my life out.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Um…Hi

2/23/17

Hey guys, welcome back. I don’t know what to say other than I am so sorry. It’s been a week and I just haven’t really done anything that might qualify as an excuse for this.

The only updates I have are that I painted my room light gray and my medicine is no longer making me nauseous.

I just want to say that both Lyss and I are still fully committed to this blog. We still live doing it and every time I talk to Lyss she says that she needs to get back into  blogging. I know you all understand that we both have a lot going on right now and I thank you for all your support. I’m trying my hardest to sort my life out but I’m still not cured and even after I am it’ll be a while before I’m completely back to normal.

We’re on February break now and I am hoping to hang out with Lyss before break is over so I am promising you right now that I’ll help her write and schedule at least two posts. You’re probably dying to hear updates about her boyfriend and everything so I’ll make sure she does that. (Wait until you hear what he did for Valentine’s Day! My heart melted)

Anyway that’s all I have for right now. You can expect a post from me tomorrow and if I don’t post, I’m being dead serious, please comment yelling at me.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

 

Diagnosed

2/15/17

Hey guys, welcome back. It’s been a few days since I’ve posted and since then I homestly haven’t done much.

The last time I wrote I was talking a lot about how I just wanted everything to go back to normal. I actually received some news that might make that wish come true.

All the blood work I’ve been put through has paid off! My neurologist, who you can read about here, got the results from the first round of tests which revealed that I have PANS. Not exactly PANDAS as he originally thought but it is very similar.

The good news is that PANS is very treatable. I’ve been put on a strong antibiotic for the next 30 days to hopefully make me better.

The bad news is that this antibiotic is REALLY strong. One of the main side effects is nausea which I began to experience 2 hours after taking my first pill. It kind of just constantly feels like I’ve overeaten.

Im pretty sure that because it’s an antibiotic, it’s killing the good bacteria in my stomach which is in turn making me feel sick. So I’ve been eating yogurt after taking each pill in an attempt to get some probiotics back in my system.

Other then that, I haven’t been to school yet this week. On Monday morning I had a bad panic attack after having a very strange dream the night before (more on that later this afternoon). Yesterday, I tried to go to school but I was super late and still having a panic attack when I walked into the building. I ultimatley came right home. And today I felt really sick from my medication so my parents just let me sleep through the morning.

But yeah that’s about all I have to say for right now. I really hope that this medication helps me feel better because all I want is to be back to normal.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

I dont know what to say

2/12/17

hey guys um its lyss and i dont know what to say, i havent been updating or blogging and theres really no excuse, im just disorganized. Im getting my homework done around 12 each night, getting up at 6 to work and then at lunch im scrambling to finish everything. Its so tiring, i try my best to be chill but there are some days i walk out of lunch and i feel like a joke, like anyone can make fun or me or “roast” me and i wont take offense and ill laugh it off. I have so much stress and i dont know what to do with it. I try to put on this happy mask but i dont know if i can for much longer. I want to be taken serious, and keep my sense of humor. But from what i can tell.. its not happening. Im doomed to being a joke forever.

Damnit i threw myself a pity party there im so sorry but ill update you guys on my life a bit. We arent going to call my boyfriend, who yes i am still dating, Lexus anymore im gonna call him Lucas, his real name, because i feel like i can share that with you guys and i dont get to share enough with you guys.

Hmm ive always fallen in love with the show, Glee and im obsessing over Kurt and Blaine because holy shit theyre goals and if ya dont watch it then its time you do.

I can officially say i have a valentine this Valentines Day and i feel supa good about it 🙂

nothing else really eventful is happening in my life so i guess thats it for now

🙂

-lyss

I’m So Done

2/9/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Just a quick update post because I haven’t blogged in a week. I’m sorry but I’m going to explain why.

I’m falling apart. I just can’t take it anymore. I want all of this to stop. I want to go back to living a normal life.

On Monday, my Great Aunt Gloria passed away. I was absolutely devastated. First my Aunt Vi, now her. It’s all just too much. I went to her wake yesterday and was alright until we were leaving. We went up to her casket and my mom started saying goodbye and I lost it. I kept wanting her to sit up. To wake up. I hated seeing her laying there. In her casket was a bouquet of roses with two dog treats attached and the words “Love Lucy” written on the ribbon tied around it. It was from her dog. That broke my heart.

She passed so suddenly. I didn’t know but she fell a couple weeks ago and was in the hospital. She was very little and the hospital gave her too many drugs. Her blood pressure dropped and they couldn’t save her.

The school is now creating an official “modified education” plan for me. It’s only for as long as I’ll need it but I can’t keep teaching myself so I’m going to have tutors to help me and a definite plan each day so I’ll always know what’s happening. I’ll still be able to keep my enriched classes and I can go back to any classes I think I can handle.

There is also the possibility of a therapy dog at school. The school social worker has a registered emotional support dog who she can bring into the building as long as there are students who need her.

Im just so done with this. I want it to go away as quick as it came but that realistically won’t happen. It’s now been months since this started and I just want to go through a regular school day again.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

More Doctors

2/1/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Today I didn’t go to school because I had two doctors appointments. More doctors, more people trying to figure out what’s wrong.

I guess I should update you on the list of people who are now trying to help me: school conselour, school social worker, basically any school official in the office, 8th grade nurse, one of the Italian teachers who used to be my neighbor who is now my mentor (more on that soon), pediatrician, therapist, endocrinologist, psychiatrist (don’t know if I mentioned it but I’m on anxiety medication), my parents (obviously), and the newest addition, a neurologist/ PANDAS specialist.

Wow, I didn’t realize how many people there were. I don’t even mention my close friends and you guys for that matter…

Anyway, about that neourologist. He’s also a PANDAS specialist (no not pandas 🐼). I highly doubt anyone reading has even heard of PANDAS as it is rare and very complicated. From my very basic knowledge I can tell you that it  presents itself with other illnesses that can cause fevers, strep throat is the most common. In some instances, a person will get some kind of illness that causes a fever but instead of reacting in the typical way, the brain becomes inflamed and the patient has a behavioral change. Usually this change manifests in OCD or tics. If you want a deeper understanding I’m sure you can read about it online. My mom did tons of research on it.

I never had any fever causing illness but around the time this started, my brother was diagnosed with strep and mano, both of which went undiagnosed for over a week   . Since these were both in the house, its  possible that I actually did have one if not both of these but had no symptoms.

I had a two hour consultation with the neourologist today and he said he’d be very surprised if I don’t have PANDAS. He wrote a prescription for a lot of blood tests, 50 to be exact. He wants to be sure he doesn’t miss anything. Obviously there’s a lot of blood required for these test so I’m not going to do it all in one day. It’ll probably take 3-4 appointments to get everything done.

A part of me actually kind of hopes I do have PANDAS. Don’t worry I’m not a phsycopath. Part of me just wants something that’s easy to fix, it only takes antibiotics to cure PANDAS. I want to be in school and be normal. I don’t want to have to have “modified education”.

After that, I saw my psychiatrist. She is lovely and has been so helpful. She has me on and anxiety medication and just today prescribed something to help me if I’m having a panic attack. She is also collaborating with a woman who I believe works in one of the nearby mental health facilities. They’re working on a group made up of teenagers with similar conditions. If all goes well it’ll be about 6-8 of us for 6 sessions, once a week. I want to meet other kids who understand what it’s like. I want to know that there are people nearby who understand.

Dont get me wrong this blog is great and there are plenty of people who know exactly what I’m talking about when I do talk about it but you’re all far away. I need to physically see the face of a teenager who gets it.

So yeah that’s a lot off my chest. I’m trying so hard to get up to date in all my classes but it’s been very hard to focus. I have 7 days left to make up all the work I’ve missed. Wish me luck.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/