Hey guys, welcome back. This title may seem a bit strange but give me a second to explain.
Basically, ever since I painted my room about… oh gosh how long has it been? *looks back through old blog posts*A MONTH AGO?!?! How is that possible? Jeez, time goes by fast as you get older. Anyway since I painted and took everything off the walls, all my possessions have been in boxes.
It looked like I had just moved in.
And honestly, I think it’s really effected me. Having my room such a mess made me feel pretty stressed. So today I spent my time organizing a bit. I didn’t do as much as I wanted to but I’ve started hanging things on the walls again, I made my bed, and I put one of my dressers back in order.
Even though I still have a lot to do, the atmosphere feels more relaxed now. I’m a huge believer in the idea that our environments effect our moods and I feel more at ease now.
The last couple of days I’ve been angry and irritable for no reason and I was so tense all the time. But I actually felt myself relax as I cleaned up.
Yesterday, I finally told my friends about my PANS and everyone was so supportive. It was such a relief to hear them say that if I needed anything I could reach out to them at any time. I’ve really needed them in the last few months and I haven’t let them be there for me because I didn’t want to make them worry. However, no amount of doctors or mom hugs could compare to having my friends as a support system.
Also today I posted my first selfie on Instagram and I was so nervous to do it. (It was a black and white photo that I took on snapchat with the dog filter just in case you’re wondering) I’ve sent selfies for my snapchat streaks before but I think I felt more at ease knowing that the person on the recieving end could only see it for a few seconds before it was gone forever.
With instagram though, the photos don’t dissapear in seconds. I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to find song lyrics to use as my caption. When I did post it, I freaked out a little cause I was like “oh crap, now I’m up for judgement.” I almost deleted it. But I left it up and within the first half hour I had 8 likes which is a lot for me okay? I only have *cough* 30 *cough” followers. (Can you tell I’m popular at school?) I got so many comments telling me how good I looked and a lot of heart-eyes emojis. So that made me feel good.
Anyway that’s about it. Tomorrow I have my first session with my science/math tutor and I already know her so I’m not worried about that but I’m scared that I’ll shut down again the way I did with English.
See ya soon!!!