Hey guys, welcome back. First off, Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! Second, I actually had a busy day today, and it was good.
The day started with a neurologist appointment which honestly could not have gone better. The numbers that were off before are slowly returning to normal and I should start to feel more and more like myself over that next two or three weeks. He is keeping me on the medication for another 30 days and he’s adding vitamin B12 because I’m pretty deficient in that and it can really mess with your mood if it’s not at the right number.
Then I had a psychiatrist appointment which was kind of just an update on how I’ve been feeling and all that. I have group therapy tomorrow which I’m actually excited for. I really like the group and it is really somewhere that I feel comfortable.
Then my parents and I went to lunch and I had a few hours to myself and then my Spanish tutor came over. Tutoring actually went really well and I was able to stay with her until the session was over.
I was pretty nervous for tutoring because yesterday I had my English tutor again and it was another flop. I was able to get through one worksheet but then I shut down and couldn’t think anymore. I was so frustrated that even though I tried to go to dance, I had a breakdown in my moms car in the parking lot. It was a lot like it was before school. Me half sobbing half screaming and wanting so desperately to do it but not being able to. I ended up coming right back home.
But what I have realized is that it’s the tutor, not me. When I shut down, it’s only in his sessions. And it’s very similar to the way I would shut down when trying to work in the school conference room.
Im shutting down in his sessions because he’s not teaching me. He’s passing me worksheets and saying “Here, now get to work”. What he fails to realize is that the entire reason I’m on home instruction is because I tried catching myself up and it didn’t work. So we’re looking into getting a different tutor for English.
Tonight I went to see Lyss in the school play and I’m not going to say too much because I’m sure she’s going to want to tell you all about it. But I will say that she did amazing. I loved her character and it was totally the right part for her. She got to be sassy and had witty little comebacks and she was really just great at it. The entire performance was just unbelievable. It was hard to believe that the oldest kids there were 14.
And at the end of a busy day that would normally leave me crying while wrapped in my comforter, too drained to speak to anyone for at least 4 hours, I feel great! I’m not emotionally drained and exhausted. I’m happy. As I lie in bed typing this, I’m smiling. I had a good day and I’m so so happy that I can say that.
See ya soon!!!