when something physically kills you, you’re dead. But emotionally when something kills you inside, then, you wish you were dead. 

Thats kinda how I’m feeling right now. 

My neighbor and good friend of my family, (we’ll call him Paul) is one of the nicest and wittiest guys I’ve ever met. He owns 3 dogs and owns a car repair shop. Hes only 57 and has just found out after feeling sick and taking an extensive trip to the hospital..he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. And only has 5 months to live.

This man who has known me since i was a baby, ever since my family moved in. He mows our lawn whenever he mows his own, he starts up our car when the engine fails, he stops us on our way to town to just have a witty conversation with us. And I physically can’t deal with it, i want to cry. I need to cry. But I’m just numb. My stomach is doing somersaults, but i can’t throw up.  

None of my friends can say anything to me. They try to but it doesnt help, I love them for trying but I turn to this blog to pour out my friends. And guys if u read this u know I love you I’m just really fucked right now. 

Yeah, I’m really fucked. My god why do horrible, horrible things happen to the best of people. And why do all the good ones have to suffer.

Updates to come.



Author: lyssndani

hey welcome to our blog! We are formally known as Alyssa and Danielle but on here you can call u Lyss and Dani. We usually blog when we can and when we do it’s usually some bullshit. But it’s our bullshit that we would love to share with you, welcome to the club!!

4 thoughts on “death”

  1. Oh no, no. I’m so so sorry – I know you’ve probably heard that quite a lot but I truly am sorry. My heart sank as I was reading, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling now. Continue blogging, continue unloading on here because it’ll help. Don’t bottle up your feelings, you’ll feel so much worse. And always remember there’s so many people around you that are there to help…including me. If you need anything at all, I’m here xxx
    Take care and stay strong, I’m thinking of you and dear Paul ( who sounds like an absolute legend ) xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Heyy. He seems like a wonderful guy. Hate when the worst things happen to such amazing people. My gran’s going through the same thing and everything about it just seems so unfair. Stay with him kay? And give him all the happiness he deserves. And above all, treat it like he’s gonna get through it. You have to believe that, because no one else does.

    Liked by 1 person

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