My First Day Of Highschool 

9/6/17

Hey guys, welcome back. I made it! I did it! I survived my first day of highschool. It went okay, I’ll admit there were plenty of times when I felt like I was going to implode or that it wasn’t real but I survived. 

My psychiatrist thought that I should get on the bus with a friend the first day, so my mom drove me to my friend’s house a block away this morning and I hung out there until the bus arrived. 

This year, I’m on a new bus with a new driver and I’m not comfortable yet. I’ve been on the same bus since kindergarten, and I know, it’s just a school bus, but if you haven’t noticed (or if you’re new in which case, hello!), I don’t deal well with change and this just seemed like one more thing that was changing. 

When we arrived, I managed to get to my first period biology class without any issues. My teacher was lovely and the class was nice and small. Now, it is a science course and where I live a certain number of labs are required to pass the year. That does mean group work, which I hate with a passion. 

Every other day, I have a double period biology class. And since today was the first day, there was a freshman assembly during the first half of second period. So we all shuffled our way over to the auditorium to listen to our principal talk about the hiking trips he went on over the summer. I know, really inspiring. 

Luckily, then it was back to biology where we basically just went over lab procedures and things of that nature. 

Third period was my “Advanced Glabal History and Geography 9 Honors” class. (What an obnoxiously Long name for history class) In this class I found out that technically, it’s an AP level course, meaning that it’s a college level class but, legally speaking, they aren’t allowed to call it that. But this year I’m taking the first half of it. And I’m so scared. It takes a lot of time and effort and I just don’t know if I have the capacity to put in everything that they expect from me. 

This is one of my main dilemmas of the day. It was in this class that I started to try and morph someone that I’m not. I was trying to be like that one student in all your classes with their notes in perfect order and seamless handwriting, who is constantly studying and getting the best grades even though they have a million other things going on. 

That’s not me. And it never will be. But I am afraid that that’s the kind of person I’d need to be in order to sustain a good average in that class. I had a hard year last year, and it’s a big jump from learning about the Cold War at my dining room table to learning world history at a college level and being required to spend hours working on it. 

To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it. And it kills me to say that because I want more than anything to prove that I can. I don’t want to drop my honors classes. I want to be just like everyone else. I want to be a normal kid. I want to go back to the way it was. 

While I was trying to be the model student, I also went to lunch. I do have a friend in my lunch period and after searching for a cafeteria to eat I for about half of lunch, even trying the library when we got really desperate, we realized they were all full and there was no way we’d be getting a table. So instead we ate outside, which was nice. It did rain this morning so it was pretty chilly but we lived. 

Next up was Spanish, and I’ll be honest, it’s a class of 13, half of whom are trouble makers, with a teacher who is brand new to the school who is incredibly dull and unenthusiastic. I don’t think I’m going to enjoy it too much. 

Period six was orchestra, a relief honestly.  Again the class was small and my teacher is very laid back and literally left us alone for twenty minutes to “make some calls”. I love orchestra so much and I really miss my old teacher already. I honestly don’t know if I’ll continue with it. I love it so much but teachers seem to expect a lot that I simply cannot give. It doesn’t help that I’ve basically been out of practice for months now. 

Then was English which I have with Lyss and a couple of other friends. Our teacher is, well, odd. She seems nice enough but I do have to read and annotate the same short story for the fourth year in a row, which you can imagine I’m not too happy about. 

Finally, to end my day I had algebra. Honestly, there aren’t too many people that I’m super close with in there with me and I suck at math but my teacher is lovely. I could tell the moment I walked in that she is, like me, at least partially Italian. She’s also definitely from NYC. And if you’ve never met a New York Italian, basically all stereotypes are true. But as unimportant as it may sound to you, it felt very nice to meet her. It felt familiar, homely. 

I found my bus no problem and came home, very proud that I’d made it through the day. My dad greeted me at the door and started crying because he was so overwhelmed, my mom cried too, later in the evening. And it’s not just because of last year and everything that happened, I’m growing up, going to highschool. I’m not their little baby anymore. Though I often do wish I was. What a simpler time. 

I managed to organize all my supplies and to somewhat get myself in order. Which was followed by an inevitable breakdown. I’ve now been crying for 2 hours about things that really don’t matter and things that are really very stupid, but I can’t help it. I’m so nervous for what’s to come, I can’t even begin to describe it. 

However, school for me is often very thought-provoking in ways that it wasn’t necessarily meant to be (i.e my kind of deep posts about societal issues and our place in the universe) so do look forward to more of those posts. And with routine does come more regular blogging because I haven’t been the best at that lately, I’m trying, but you know it’s been a rough time for me. 

So that was my first day of highschool. If you have any advice please let me know because I could use it. How’s school going for you? Have you started yet? 

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night. 

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

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I kinda failed

9/4/17

Hey guys it’s Lyss. So as you can tell by the title I am a big ass failure. Why, you may ask? Most of you read my post about getting a job. Yay me. Well most of you don’t know but I have anxiety (nothing too bad just I get really overworked and nervous and panic attacks from time to time). Complete sus if u ask me. And last night I was nervous about my “job to be”. And obviously going back to Dani’s post. The reality is it is about who you know it happens all day everyday and I’m sorry I got the job but now I’m dropping it. I apologize to you for pretty much taking a spot that now I can’t fill and dedicate my time torwards. I never meant to make your day bad and for that I’m sorry too. And I hope you get the call from Anna and do the job better than I ever would. But back to the story.

Basically I was just trying to grapple with the idea and I did. So until I managed to fall asleep for an hour. I attempted to go to bed at 9 and ended up waking up at 10 from pure anxiety about this job. I tried to ignore it and told myself it was going to bed too early and I tried to focus on sounds or anything else to try and go to bed. I decided I was going to do the job. That’s all I could think about. But then a thought hit me what if I can’t do the drama club because of this job.

And what went from nerves and not being able to sleep turned into a full blown panic attack. I felt like I needed water, I felt like I was somehow going insane in my room. All I could think about was how this job could take over my life, and how I wouldn’t be able to do things in the winter or fall because of it. And everyone was telling me it’s a good thing. But I was being really indecisive.

 But overall if I was having panic attacks over a job. A freaking job. That means that I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t fill a spot that someone else can take. If I’m gonna wuss out then might as well let you guys know the whole reason rather than just saying, “Not doing the job lol.”

I know y’all probably think it’s a stupid reason to not take a job. But some jobs are better as a summer job than anything and this was one of those jobs. I’m starting High School.. Why do I need to put extra responsibility, stress, and anxiety on myself if I wasn’t even 100% sure I wanted to do it? And I don’t. I guess you could say I failed extremely on that one but whatever for me it’s a win.. Because I saved myself from basically not being dedicated to a job someone else could do better, without anxiety and stress, and someone who can handle it.

-Lyss

My Experience In Trying To Find A Job

9/3/17 

Hey guys, welcome back. Today, I wanted to share a story with you, one about growing up and realizing that the world just isn’t fair.

Where Lyss and I live, you can get your working papers at age 14. And because I never do anything, I figured, why not, I’ll try to find a job. 

My mother was chatting to the owner of a local bakery a little while ago and I happened to come up in conversation. Long story short, the owner said she’d be happy to meet me and possibly hire me when I got my papers. 

You have to get your working papers through your school guidance counselor (don’t ask, I don’t know why either) and because it’s summer, I can’t get my papers until school is in session Wednesday. 

I met the owner of the bakery on Tuesday after Freshman orientation, and she was lovely. She told me that at the moment they were fully staffed but she’d give me a call when there was an opening. I thought this was great, things were looking good for me. 

Lyss went to speak to her on Thursday because she wanted a job as well. We’ve been talking about this for a while now, excited about possibly working together. 

Yesterday, while out shopping for jeans, Lyss texted me and told me that she’d been hired and was set to begin training next week. And although I was so incredibly happy for her, my heart sunk a little. 

Why had they called Lyss and not me? My name has been on the wait list for weeks since my mother first spoke to her and neither of us have our papers yet. 

So today I went back to the bakery to speak to the owner and ask what had happened. To see if maybe she misplaced my contact information or something like that. 

I walked in and asked the girl working behind the counter if the owner was there, she told me she was in the back and would let her know I wanted to talk to her. 

When the owner came out, I explained the situation and asked what had happened. To which she replied, “Look, I’ll be honest with you, the reason I called her is because she knows one of the girls who works here. She still has to go through training and get me her papers and even then she’ll have to wait for an opening. I still have all your information and I’ll give you a call if there’s a spot open.” 

I knew exactly which girl Lyss knew. I walked out and went home with tears running down my cheeks. I don’t know if we have a name for her and I honestly can’t be bothered to check, but Lyss and I have been dealing with this girl for years and her older sister works at the bakery. 

I’m not friends with this girl but Lyss is. Personally, I don’t like her, I think she’s fake and one of those people who drags everyone down with them when they find themselves in a messy situation. 

I wasn’t called to be trained for a job because I didn’t want to be friends with someone who wouldn’t be a good friend. 

And of course my parents said that’s how it works and how it always has and that it’s not fair. And it’s not.

Of course I’m over the moon with joy for Lyss and want her to get the job more than anything, I’m just hurt that because I chose to cut toxic people out of my life, this had to happen. 

If you can take anything from this story, let it be that life isn’t and never will be fair for everyone. Don’t get too upset if things don’t work out the way you wanted them to because it happens to everyone. Everything turns out okay in the end. 

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

I got a job!

9/3/17

Woah hey guys I can’t believe it’s already September. Holy shit this summer flew by. But it was hands down one of my best summers ever. I pulled an all nighter, I spent it with my friends, went on really fun vacations, I RECENTLY GOT 1,000 FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM (that’s very big for me), and it is the summer before my high school year. Of course I wanted to enjoy it but it wad way better than what I ever thought. 

I went to my first football game which was honestly really really fun! I hung out with Dani and a lot of my friends and overall I think even thought I’m pretty sad summer is almost over I am hyped for school. I went over my schedule after orientation(which was really fun and got me pumped for school) and after that I just am so excited for everything. The proms, the football games, homecoming, the parties, all of it. I am extremely excited.

Also this summer I recently got a job! It’s a local bakery that I can walk to every morning and my training starts next week! It’s good money plus tips and YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR FREE. YEA I REPEAT ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THE BAKERY. 

I think I’m gonna like it there. Also today is my baby brothers birthday so I am currently waiting for him to get home and I thought I would blog a bit. 

I recently started The Office on Netflix and I fucking love it so far. It’s hilarious and one of my favorite shows yet. I am on season 3 and it never fails to make me smile. And that was pretty random but I thought you guys should know to watch that show.

Oh Oh Oh and hold up if y’all like memes.. i am doing a shameless self promotion for my meme page so follow @keepingupwithkock on insta for memes:)) 

This was a pretty random update but that’s all for now❤️

-Lyss