Hey guys, welcome back. I made it! I did it! I survived my first day of highschool. It went okay, I’ll admit there were plenty of times when I felt like I was going to implode or that it wasn’t real but I survived.
My psychiatrist thought that I should get on the bus with a friend the first day, so my mom drove me to my friend’s house a block away this morning and I hung out there until the bus arrived.
This year, I’m on a new bus with a new driver and I’m not comfortable yet. I’ve been on the same bus since kindergarten, and I know, it’s just a school bus, but if you haven’t noticed (or if you’re new in which case, hello!), I don’t deal well with change and this just seemed like one more thing that was changing.
When we arrived, I managed to get to my first period biology class without any issues. My teacher was lovely and the class was nice and small. Now, it is a science course and where I live a certain number of labs are required to pass the year. That does mean group work, which I hate with a passion.
Every other day, I have a double period biology class. And since today was the first day, there was a freshman assembly during the first half of second period. So we all shuffled our way over to the auditorium to listen to our principal talk about the hiking trips he went on over the summer. I know, really inspiring.
Luckily, then it was back to biology where we basically just went over lab procedures and things of that nature.
Third period was my “Advanced Glabal History and Geography 9 Honors” class. (What an obnoxiously Long name for history class) In this class I found out that technically, it’s an AP level course, meaning that it’s a college level class but, legally speaking, they aren’t allowed to call it that. But this year I’m taking the first half of it. And I’m so scared. It takes a lot of time and effort and I just don’t know if I have the capacity to put in everything that they expect from me.
This is one of my main dilemmas of the day. It was in this class that I started to try and morph someone that I’m not. I was trying to be like that one student in all your classes with their notes in perfect order and seamless handwriting, who is constantly studying and getting the best grades even though they have a million other things going on.
That’s not me. And it never will be. But I am afraid that that’s the kind of person I’d need to be in order to sustain a good average in that class. I had a hard year last year, and it’s a big jump from learning about the Cold War at my dining room table to learning world history at a college level and being required to spend hours working on it.
To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it. And it kills me to say that because I want more than anything to prove that I can. I don’t want to drop my honors classes. I want to be just like everyone else. I want to be a normal kid. I want to go back to the way it was.
While I was trying to be the model student, I also went to lunch. I do have a friend in my lunch period and after searching for a cafeteria to eat I for about half of lunch, even trying the library when we got really desperate, we realized they were all full and there was no way we’d be getting a table. So instead we ate outside, which was nice. It did rain this morning so it was pretty chilly but we lived.
Next up was Spanish, and I’ll be honest, it’s a class of 13, half of whom are trouble makers, with a teacher who is brand new to the school who is incredibly dull and unenthusiastic. I don’t think I’m going to enjoy it too much.
Period six was orchestra, a relief honestly. Again the class was small and my teacher is very laid back and literally left us alone for twenty minutes to “make some calls”. I love orchestra so much and I really miss my old teacher already. I honestly don’t know if I’ll continue with it. I love it so much but teachers seem to expect a lot that I simply cannot give. It doesn’t help that I’ve basically been out of practice for months now.
Then was English which I have with Lyss and a couple of other friends. Our teacher is, well, odd. She seems nice enough but I do have to read and annotate the same short story for the fourth year in a row, which you can imagine I’m not too happy about.
Finally, to end my day I had algebra. Honestly, there aren’t too many people that I’m super close with in there with me and I suck at math but my teacher is lovely. I could tell the moment I walked in that she is, like me, at least partially Italian. She’s also definitely from NYC. And if you’ve never met a New York Italian, basically all stereotypes are true. But as unimportant as it may sound to you, it felt very nice to meet her. It felt familiar, homely.
I found my bus no problem and came home, very proud that I’d made it through the day. My dad greeted me at the door and started crying because he was so overwhelmed, my mom cried too, later in the evening. And it’s not just because of last year and everything that happened, I’m growing up, going to highschool. I’m not their little baby anymore. Though I often do wish I was. What a simpler time.
I managed to organize all my supplies and to somewhat get myself in order. Which was followed by an inevitable breakdown. I’ve now been crying for 2 hours about things that really don’t matter and things that are really very stupid, but I can’t help it. I’m so nervous for what’s to come, I can’t even begin to describe it.
However, school for me is often very thought-provoking in ways that it wasn’t necessarily meant to be (i.e my kind of deep posts about societal issues and our place in the universe) so do look forward to more of those posts. And with routine does come more regular blogging because I haven’t been the best at that lately, I’m trying, but you know it’s been a rough time for me.
So that was my first day of highschool. If you have any advice please let me know because I could use it. How’s school going for you? Have you started yet?
Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.
See ya soon!!!