I kinda failed

9/4/17

Hey guys it’s Lyss. So as you can tell by the title I am a big ass failure. Why, you may ask? Most of you read my post about getting a job. Yay me. Well most of you don’t know but I have anxiety (nothing too bad just I get really overworked and nervous and panic attacks from time to time). Complete sus if u ask me. And last night I was nervous about my “job to be”. And obviously going back to Dani’s post. The reality is it is about who you know it happens all day everyday and I’m sorry I got the job but now I’m dropping it. I apologize to you for pretty much taking a spot that now I can’t fill and dedicate my time torwards. I never meant to make your day bad and for that I’m sorry too. And I hope you get the call from Anna and do the job better than I ever would. But back to the story.

Basically I was just trying to grapple with the idea and I did. So until I managed to fall asleep for an hour. I attempted to go to bed at 9 and ended up waking up at 10 from pure anxiety about this job. I tried to ignore it and told myself it was going to bed too early and I tried to focus on sounds or anything else to try and go to bed. I decided I was going to do the job. That’s all I could think about. But then a thought hit me what if I can’t do the drama club because of this job.

And what went from nerves and not being able to sleep turned into a full blown panic attack. I felt like I needed water, I felt like I was somehow going insane in my room. All I could think about was how this job could take over my life, and how I wouldn’t be able to do things in the winter or fall because of it. And everyone was telling me it’s a good thing. But I was being really indecisive.

 But overall if I was having panic attacks over a job. A freaking job. That means that I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t fill a spot that someone else can take. If I’m gonna wuss out then might as well let you guys know the whole reason rather than just saying, “Not doing the job lol.”

I know y’all probably think it’s a stupid reason to not take a job. But some jobs are better as a summer job than anything and this was one of those jobs. I’m starting High School.. Why do I need to put extra responsibility, stress, and anxiety on myself if I wasn’t even 100% sure I wanted to do it? And I don’t. I guess you could say I failed extremely on that one but whatever for me it’s a win.. Because I saved myself from basically not being dedicated to a job someone else could do better, without anxiety and stress, and someone who can handle it.

-Lyss