One Of Those Days

3/10/19

Today has just been one of those days. One of those days where it feels like nothing matters, not even me.

One of those days where my bed is safer than anywhere else. When all I want to do is sleep to make the time pass quicker.

Today is one of those days where I feel like crying but I can’t. Where I’m on the verge of breaking down but there’s something that’s making me hold it all in.

One of those days where I pretend I’m fine for as long as I can, and then something little will make me feel like I’m going insane.

Today has been one of those days where nobody can say the right thing, nothing will help. One of those days where it feels like there’s a hole in my chest that I can never fill.

But it’s okay, I’ll get through it. Don’t worry. It’s just one of those days.

-Dani

(^^)/

 

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On Realizing You Aren’t Who You Thought You’d Be

1/8/19

Happy New Year! I haven’t posted in a month, sorry.

In the time I’ve been away, I’ve had a realization that I’d like to share. This blog has become somewhat of an open diary. A place where I can let you inside my head to experience things with me.

When I was a little kid, my life seemed to be lied out in front of me very simply. I’d go to school, make friends, get good grades, have a boyfriend, etc. The typical life of a teenager. Or so I thought.

I’ve since learned that there is no such thing as “typical” but that’s another discussion for another day.

When my life wasn’t going that way, I figured it would just sort itself out and eventually lead back to the path I thought it would take. But the longer that this has gone on, the more I realize that that won’t be my life. Maybe it never would’ve been.

I thought I knew exactly who I would be as a teenager. I thought that I’d have amazing friendships and perfect grades. I thought I’d be tall and pretty and attend the highschool I’d always driven past with my family. The one my dad went to.

And now, I sit here reflecting. I’m sixteen now. I haven’t had the party I thought I would’ve. The one I really wanted. My friendships are awkward and unsteady. I find myself over-sharing and regretting it later. I’m unable to communicate when I’m uncomfortable with something, when I don’t want to talk about something.

I always thought I’d be strong and confident in myself. I’d know what to say and would never let anyone walk all over me. But I lack that confidence and strength. And the more time I spend with some people, the more they talk about things I don’t want to, the more they hug me, touch me, lean on me, when I want to be left alone, the worse I feel.

I end up overwhelmed and unable to cope so I bottle it all up until I get home, where I’m comfortable. And every night I promise myself I’ll say something tomorrow, end this cycle tomorrow. But I can never bring myself to do it.

I don’t find myself pretty, it’s quite the opposite. And don’t even get me started on boys.

But most of all, I’m not going to that highschool. Not experiencing what I want to be. On a certain level that’s okay because it’s what I need right now but really, it bothers me. Hurts me even. I remember being excited for freshman year because I would get home first and have the house to myself. I never got that.

I know who I wish I was. I know what she looks like, the way she acts and how she talks. I spend many nights when I’m unable to sleep thinking about what she’d do. I idolize her. I love her. Long for her. But I’m not her. She has the life I thought I’d have. And realizing I’m not her, the person I always thought I’d be, hurts.

Maybe I can make myself her, I don’t know. It would take time and a lot of work. But I want to be as close to her as I can be. She is the picture of beauty and strength and confidence. She says what needs saying but also knows when to hold her tongue. She goes to that school and she smiles and bounces through the halls powered by her own happiness and enjoyment of life.

She’s not completely out of reach. But it will take me a while to get to her. I trust that she’ll wait for me. I trust that I will get to her. It’s just a matter of time and work.

-Dani

(^^)/

Decisions and Dani’s birthday!

today I was so stressed it was unreal.

I ate like a fricking pig, I am on IT, I am bloated as all heck, and I had to ditch my grandparents for schoolwork. Honestly I want to cry. On the bright side my friend met twaimz and took a video of him saying “I love you Liss,” and then blowing a kiss.

It made my existence. No joke

But tomorrow I am motivated to do better. I’m getting on my moms elliptical (with her permission.. Good child 🙂 ) and I’m gonna not eat any junk food. 

So blogmas is coming after this soon and I have my schoolwork to do and a project to memorize.

BTW HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANI!!!!!

~Liss

So done

im so tired I kid you not I woke up at 6:30 to do homework after staying up until 11:30 doing homework and honesty thank god it’s Friday. 

I also had to deal with this crap that this girl (M)was saying she hated this other girl (S)to me. So s asked me does m like her and m said she hates s. So I had to carry that message via text to S. She was freaking out because her only friends just admitted to hating her. So I comforted her and brought her out of her slump and she is moving on. I also agreed to be her friend because she’s actually nice and M is so rude. 

What a day tgif

I also got a final callback for the play.

Yay 

-liss

Jurassic fright!

hey guys I just finished watching Jurassic world…

Again.

Anyways that was not the point of this blog. This blog is about what went down today.

So today I decided to go to a practice for my audition on Thursday for the school play. So in previous practices this girl who is also trying out goes the same days I go.

 Long story short she’s really really sweet. So today I sang in front of her and my chorus teacher again and the first time the girl told me my voice was amazing. She has a very amazing voice as well. But today I finished and then it was her turn to sing. 

She told us she hadn’t practiced and he didn’t want to sing it. When we asked her why she said her parents wanted her to do the play and she was nervous to sing in front of us two. She burst out in tears sayin how she didn’t want to disappoint her parents and her parents called her a quitter when she wanted to back out.

And I felt so flipping bad because I know that feeling and it sucks and this girl had such bad stage fright and it And it me wonder how come I never gotten stagefright?

It’s because I was exposed to it at a young age and got over it. But it’s not that simple for others. So my advice is go out of your comfort zone and do what pleases you. 🙂

-Liss ❤

SORRY

IM SO SORRY I DIDNT BLOG IM SO SORRY

I HAD TO PRACTICE THEN HW AND IT TOOK ME SO LONG THEN MY FRIENDS STARTED BEING A LITTLE JERKY AND SENT A FLIPAGRAM THEY MADE OF MY CEUSH TO THE GROUP CHAT TO TWO PEOPLE I DIDNT WANT THEM TO KNOW YET! 

I KNOW IM RAMBLING BUT IM SUPER SORRY AND YOULL GET A LONG BLOG TODAY!!! PROMISE 

-Liss 

How to get motivated

  hey guys

I’m pretty tired right now because I practiced my butt off for my callback on Thursday for my shool play and I’m super nervous. Wish me GL!

So this blog is about how I get motivated whether it’s sports, a lifestyle, or simply cleaning your room finding motivation Is hard. So these tips will help you (hopefully)

1. Figure out your goal-

Figure out what you’re aiming for. Are you trying to walk more often? Figure that out before anything!

2. Set a due date

When are trying to get this by? Is  

 there a specific date?

3.start!

Now start whatever project you’re workin on! 

So I’m so nervous and tired so GOOD NITE!

-Liss 😉