Why I Regret Cutting My Hair

1/2/18

Hey guys, welcome back. So about a month ago now, I chopped off my hair. It was about to the bottom of my rib-cage and I cut enough off to have it just graze my shoulders. Its grown back a bit now and most days I’m completely happy with it but in general, I regret doing it.

First of all, literally everyone has this exact haircut. Like every girl I walk past. I feel like a product of my environment. So unoriginal. So boring.

Second, everyone loves it. And I know what you’re thinking, I know that that’s a really strange reason to hate a haircut but hear me out. Everybody seems to like it better. I keep getting compliments, even weeks after I cut it. And I despise them.

Alright, most of my reasons have to do with other people but personally I just don’t think it suits me. I like m hair longer. It feels better, I think it looks better. But it has a lot of growing to do now. Not to mention I lost a lot of styling options.

The reason I cut my hair in the first place was because it was really dead and my ends were so split and it just needed help. And yes, now it is a lot healthier and looks less knotted but I miss my long hair.

So yeah, I’m not really sure what that post was  but thanks for reading anyway.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

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My Self Soothing Playlist| DBT w/ Dani Lesson 1 Part 2

1/1/18

Hey guys, welcome back. It’s the first post of the year! WOHOO! Let’s kick it off with more DBT stuff because part one got some great feedback. Thank you guys so much for that. I was actually pretty hesitant to post that because it was so different. But it did well so we’re back with more.

Today I’m not teaching a skill, I’m sharing with you my playlist that I mentioned in the first part of this post. But lets just cut to it.

1. Photograph By Ed Sheeran 

 

2. Ease By Troye Sivan (feat. Broods)

3. Perfect By Ed Sheeran

4. Talk Me Down By Troye Sivan 

5. Happier By Ed Sheeran

6. Heaven By Troye Sivan (feat. Betty Who) 

7. Hearts Don’t Break Around Here By Ed Sheeran 

8. Suburbia By Troye Sivan 

9. Supermarket Flowers By Ed Sheeran

10. All I Ask By Adele

11. How Would You Feel (Paean) By Ed Sheeran

12. When We Were Young By Adele

13. Save Myself By Ed Sheeran

14. Home Sweet Home By Ricky Dillon

15. Dive By Ed Sheeran

16. 2 Poor Kids By Ruth B.

17. Elastic Heart Cover By Madilyn Bailey

18. Skinny Love By Birdy

19. Golden By Ruth B.

20. Amnesia By 5 Seconds of Summer

21. Satellite By Gabbie Hanna

22. A Thousand Years By Christina Perri

23. Rise Up By Andra Day

 

So yeah that’s all I have for you guys today thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Goodbye 2017

12/31/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Today is New Year’s  and boy what a year it’s been. We thought 2016 was bad, oh my gosh we were not ready. At least for me.

I’ll be dead honest, this year sucked. Bad.

But you guys could probably tell from the extreme lack of posts. So I won’t waste my time talking about how awful my year was. Let’s talk about what 2018 is going to be.

I learned that it’s up to us to make our year the best it can be.

Last year, I left all the work to 2017 to be a good year. Just kind of sat back and let it be whatever it was. I never made any effort to make it good. Now, I don’t know, and to be blunt, I highly doubt that if I had tried any harder that it would’ve been any better. The year just sucked. And maybe it had to. I’ve learned a hell of a lot. Grown so much as a person. I am not the same girl I was when I sat down to recap 2016. That’s for sure.

And so, through a lot of hard work, I am going to make my one and only New Year’s Resolution this:

Make 2018 the best year it can possibly be.

And I hope you can do your best to do the same. You owe it to yourself. As this is my last post of the year and I want to end on a high note, I’ll leave you with a quote that I read just yesterday. A quote that is unbelievably true and for some reason it just really stuck with me.

Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one. -Brad Paisley

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

How I Self-Soothe | DBT w/ Dani lesson 1

12/21/17

Hey guys, welcome back. As I’ve mentioned previously, I went to a program specializing in DBT, dialectical behavioral therapy, to help with my mental illnesses.

And one of my favorite skills that was taught to us at that program is the self soothe skill.

Self soothing is exactly what it sounds like. Self care is so important, especially when you’re not in a good headspace. You can’t forget to take care of yourself.

I thought I’d share this one first as it’s a skill I don’t really need to teach and it’s useful for literally any negative emotion. It’s also a skill that’ll work for everyone. Some skills only work for certain people, but this one is just something that you should be doing anyway.

Things I Do To Self-Soothe

1. Listen to music

I actually have a “Self-Soothe” playlist, separate from my “bad day” playlist, it consists only of soft, peaceful music. Songs with lyrics that make me feel safe and warm, or lyrics that are very relatable (a lot of Ed Sheeran. A lot.) I’d suggest making a playlist specifically for self-soothing if you don’t have one already. Make sure it’s one you can listen to without an Internet connection as well, so you’ll always have it.

2. Warm shower or bath

If I have the time, a bath is often just what I need. But I’m a busy bee so a warm shower is nice too. If you’re in a bad mood, for some reason it’s very comforting to cry in a shower or bath. It feels good to get clean when you’re in these bad moods too, you can imagine that you’re washing away all the bad things, leaving the good, or cleansing the old to make way for the new.

3. Pajamas and blankets

I always get into the comfiest clothes possible (fuzzy pajamas) and wrap up in a blanket while hugging a stuffed animal. This is often when I have my music on. I let myself lie in bed, curled up, hiding from the world in a sense. It’s nice to give yourself the space to think things through and calm your mind. Especially in an environment that’s safe and comfortable.

4. Resting/ napping

Okay, most professionals will tell you that you shouldn’t sleep to avoid your problems. But for me, a nap is sometimes necessary to help me process my thoughts, or maybe to make things go away temporarily. Have you ever wished everything would just pause for a bit? Just long enough for you to calm down and process things? A nap or just allowing yourself to rest can be just that.

5. Sorting out my environment

This one may be a bit odd but it always helps me feel better to have a clean room. So if my room’s a bit of a mess, I’ll clean that up. Because I have OCD, this is often crucial for me to be able to think. If there’s a mess, I’ll never be able to calm down.

Things I’d definitely recommend doing while you self-soothe;

• turn on “do not disturb”

• ask to be left alone for a while

• do a calm activity you enjoy (not sprinting down the block, something like drawing)

• make sure you’re as comfortable as you can possibly be

That’s basically self-soothing in a nutshell. You’ll know what helps you calm down or feel relaxed, it’s just a matter of setting aside time to do it when you aren’t in the greatest mindset.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know if you’d like me to go over more DBT related things because I’d be more than happy to do that.

*Also quickly before I go! If you’re in the reader, head on over to our site because we’ve changed things up! Don’t mind our avatar, that’s the TEMPORARY work of Lyss. We have very exciting things in the works so look forward to that*

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Under Construction

12/4/17

Hey guys, welcome back. So, this blog is currently under construction. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but our site has been kinda, well, dead, for the last few months.

But, not to worry because Lyss and I are finally ready to pick ourselves up, get out sh*t together, and return in the best way possible.

Of course, things like this take time and planning, so brace yourselves because by the end of next week, this will be like an entirely new blog. We’re ready, are you? I’m talking some pretty significant things here so strap in. (safety is important)

Now everyone get your hard-hats and hammers because things are about to be renovated!

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Here I Am 

11/26/17

Hey guys, welcome back! Oh my gosh it’s been so long and it feels so good to type that out. I’ve missed this so much. But unfortunately, it had to take a backseat for a while because I had a lot in my life going on. A lot that needed taking care of before I could even think about blogging. But, in the time I was gone, we hit 200 followers and oh my goodness thank you so much!!! 

I was on FaceTime with a friend when I found out and I was like, screeching with joy. Even after two months of dead silence, people still followed. People were still reading. And I appreciate that so much.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 

But, let’s talk about what’s been going on with me. Why I haven’t been here. 

The last you heard from me, it was my first day of highschool and I was feeling quite optimistic about the year ahead. But alas, that didn’t last long. I didn’t make it into school for the rest of that week. And I think I spent a total of 5 days in school the whole month of September. 

Since I wasn’t making it in, the social worker there decided I should try the school’s accommodation program. Which is essentially an elementary school classroom with high school kids in it. I’d have to drop my honors classes, give up lunch with my friends, change science classes, stay at school later. None of it was appealing to me. But I tried it for half a day anyway. 

I hated it. 

I knew instantly that it wasn’t for me. And I told the social worker that. But she said, “Before you make any decisions, since next week is a short week, why don’t you try the program for those three days and see how it goes.” 

I was mad. I was so pissed at her. She wasn’t listening. So I went home that night angry. And Monday morning I woke up angry. And I thought, screw her. Screw that stupid schedule she drew up for me. I’m not going to that program. Not. Happening. 

So Monday I went to my classes on my schedule. And I felt so good. 

Tuesday was a little harder since it was a gym day and I hadn’t been to gym. So I skipped it (first period) and found it very hard to go in for second. So I went to the school with the intention of talking to the social worker for a few minutes to gather myself and continuing on with my day. 

She, however, was in a meeting. So I stood awkwardly with my parents in the middle of the main hallway while my classmates walked by, staring. This went on for about fifteen minutes before security was finally like “oh you could go sit in the office.” 

*face palm* 

We went and sat in the office and by now I was crying. Thinking of what I was missing, feeling embarrassed and alone, just not good. The social worker finally showed up with ten minutes left of 2nd period. She spoke to my parents for five minutes before talking to me alone. And instead of being supportive and caring, she said “Okay. You have until 9:30 to decide what you’re doing. Either you go to your class or you go to the accommodation classroom. But either way your parents are leaving in 5 minutes and you’re making a decision.” 

*Full fledged breakdown ensues*

There was no way I could sit in a classroom, I knew that. Especially not my honors class that was for sure. So I gave in and let her walk me to the classroom. Where I sat crying until the day was over. Texting my parents profusely, begging them to come get me. 

They wouldn’t. And sitting at that desk, I gave up on everything. This was my life. This was what I was doomed to. Nothing would change, nothing would get better. I was gone. The girl at that desk with her head down wasn’t me, she was a hollow shell of a person. 

So after school my parents drove me straight to my psychiatrist and she ultimately decided that I needed something different. Something had to change, I needed better care. 

And I was sent to a partial program at a nearby psychiatric hospital. 

Now, I was in a partial program, not inpatient. I didn’t have to stay overnight. I went during the day, like school. We had two hours during the day at the education center they had to do work we’d missed at school. And the rest of our days were spent learning DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skills. We’d have lunch and hang out and overall I had a great experience. I made some amazing friends and learned so much. 

In fact, I think I might start a series passing on the skills I learned while there. If you’d like that, let me know. 

I spent 5 weeks at the program before being discharged on November 1st, when me and two of my friends from the program (one of which also got discharged) went to my local mall to hang out for a while. Yeah, that mall. The one that I can’t stand and that always makes me anxious. But this time was different. Because these people understood what I was going through. 

That’s the most valuable thing I got out of the program, friends who completely understand how I’m feeling without having to ask questions. 

My school friends can only understand up to a point and I’m glad that they don’t get it, because I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone. Ever. 

The lack of posts over that time were simply due to my need to take care of myself. Everything in my life took a backseat except my mental health. And now that I’m feeling a bit better, I’m finding ways to let some of those things back into my life. 

I’m doing my best to go to school, I go to therapy twice a week, see my psychiatrist every other week as well as have group therapy. I’m trying very hard to get better because I’ve lived like this long enough. I cannot continue down this path, so I’m forging a new one. It won’t be easy, but I have to do it. 

If anyone is reading this who is struggling, there is help out there. 

My parting words to the group on my last day were “Getting better is like a baby learning to walk. At first, the baby needs supports. It has to build the muscle. But then the baby can walk on its own without thinking about it. And maybe at some point that baby will grow up and sprain it’s ankle, and it’ll need support again for a little while. But just because you sprain an ankle doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten how to walk.” 

Yes it’s very metaphorical and kinda cliché but those are also my words to you. I can’t promise daily, or even frequent posts, because I’m still working on myself. Still trying to get better. And if you’d like to forge that new path with me, my hand is outstretched. We can walk this road together. It will be okay. 

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

My First Day Of Highschool 

9/6/17

Hey guys, welcome back. I made it! I did it! I survived my first day of highschool. It went okay, I’ll admit there were plenty of times when I felt like I was going to implode or that it wasn’t real but I survived. 

My psychiatrist thought that I should get on the bus with a friend the first day, so my mom drove me to my friend’s house a block away this morning and I hung out there until the bus arrived. 

This year, I’m on a new bus with a new driver and I’m not comfortable yet. I’ve been on the same bus since kindergarten, and I know, it’s just a school bus, but if you haven’t noticed (or if you’re new in which case, hello!), I don’t deal well with change and this just seemed like one more thing that was changing. 

When we arrived, I managed to get to my first period biology class without any issues. My teacher was lovely and the class was nice and small. Now, it is a science course and where I live a certain number of labs are required to pass the year. That does mean group work, which I hate with a passion. 

Every other day, I have a double period biology class. And since today was the first day, there was a freshman assembly during the first half of second period. So we all shuffled our way over to the auditorium to listen to our principal talk about the hiking trips he went on over the summer. I know, really inspiring. 

Luckily, then it was back to biology where we basically just went over lab procedures and things of that nature. 

Third period was my “Advanced Glabal History and Geography 9 Honors” class. (What an obnoxiously Long name for history class) In this class I found out that technically, it’s an AP level course, meaning that it’s a college level class but, legally speaking, they aren’t allowed to call it that. But this year I’m taking the first half of it. And I’m so scared. It takes a lot of time and effort and I just don’t know if I have the capacity to put in everything that they expect from me. 

This is one of my main dilemmas of the day. It was in this class that I started to try and morph someone that I’m not. I was trying to be like that one student in all your classes with their notes in perfect order and seamless handwriting, who is constantly studying and getting the best grades even though they have a million other things going on. 

That’s not me. And it never will be. But I am afraid that that’s the kind of person I’d need to be in order to sustain a good average in that class. I had a hard year last year, and it’s a big jump from learning about the Cold War at my dining room table to learning world history at a college level and being required to spend hours working on it. 

To be honest, I don’t know if I can do it. And it kills me to say that because I want more than anything to prove that I can. I don’t want to drop my honors classes. I want to be just like everyone else. I want to be a normal kid. I want to go back to the way it was. 

While I was trying to be the model student, I also went to lunch. I do have a friend in my lunch period and after searching for a cafeteria to eat I for about half of lunch, even trying the library when we got really desperate, we realized they were all full and there was no way we’d be getting a table. So instead we ate outside, which was nice. It did rain this morning so it was pretty chilly but we lived. 

Next up was Spanish, and I’ll be honest, it’s a class of 13, half of whom are trouble makers, with a teacher who is brand new to the school who is incredibly dull and unenthusiastic. I don’t think I’m going to enjoy it too much. 

Period six was orchestra, a relief honestly.  Again the class was small and my teacher is very laid back and literally left us alone for twenty minutes to “make some calls”. I love orchestra so much and I really miss my old teacher already. I honestly don’t know if I’ll continue with it. I love it so much but teachers seem to expect a lot that I simply cannot give. It doesn’t help that I’ve basically been out of practice for months now. 

Then was English which I have with Lyss and a couple of other friends. Our teacher is, well, odd. She seems nice enough but I do have to read and annotate the same short story for the fourth year in a row, which you can imagine I’m not too happy about. 

Finally, to end my day I had algebra. Honestly, there aren’t too many people that I’m super close with in there with me and I suck at math but my teacher is lovely. I could tell the moment I walked in that she is, like me, at least partially Italian. She’s also definitely from NYC. And if you’ve never met a New York Italian, basically all stereotypes are true. But as unimportant as it may sound to you, it felt very nice to meet her. It felt familiar, homely. 

I found my bus no problem and came home, very proud that I’d made it through the day. My dad greeted me at the door and started crying because he was so overwhelmed, my mom cried too, later in the evening. And it’s not just because of last year and everything that happened, I’m growing up, going to highschool. I’m not their little baby anymore. Though I often do wish I was. What a simpler time. 

I managed to organize all my supplies and to somewhat get myself in order. Which was followed by an inevitable breakdown. I’ve now been crying for 2 hours about things that really don’t matter and things that are really very stupid, but I can’t help it. I’m so nervous for what’s to come, I can’t even begin to describe it. 

However, school for me is often very thought-provoking in ways that it wasn’t necessarily meant to be (i.e my kind of deep posts about societal issues and our place in the universe) so do look forward to more of those posts. And with routine does come more regular blogging because I haven’t been the best at that lately, I’m trying, but you know it’s been a rough time for me. 

So that was my first day of highschool. If you have any advice please let me know because I could use it. How’s school going for you? Have you started yet? 

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night. 

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/