I kinda failed


Hey guys it’s Lyss. So as you can tell by the title I am a big ass failure. Why, you may ask? Most of you read my post about getting a job. Yay me. Well most of you don’t know but I have anxiety (nothing too bad just I get really overworked and nervous and panic attacks from time to time). Complete sus if u ask me. And last night I was nervous about my “job to be”. And obviously going back to Dani’s post. The reality is it is about who you know it happens all day everyday and I’m sorry I got the job but now I’m dropping it. I apologize to you for pretty much taking a spot that now I can’t fill and dedicate my time torwards. I never meant to make your day bad and for that I’m sorry too. And I hope you get the call from Anna and do the job better than I ever would. But back to the story.

Basically I was just trying to grapple with the idea and I did. So until I managed to fall asleep for an hour. I attempted to go to bed at 9 and ended up waking up at 10 from pure anxiety about this job. I tried to ignore it and told myself it was going to bed too early and I tried to focus on sounds or anything else to try and go to bed. I decided I was going to do the job. That’s all I could think about. But then a thought hit me what if I can’t do the drama club because of this job.

And what went from nerves and not being able to sleep turned into a full blown panic attack. I felt like I needed water, I felt like I was somehow going insane in my room. All I could think about was how this job could take over my life, and how I wouldn’t be able to do things in the winter or fall because of it. And everyone was telling me it’s a good thing. But I was being really indecisive.

 But overall if I was having panic attacks over a job. A freaking job. That means that I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t fill a spot that someone else can take. If I’m gonna wuss out then might as well let you guys know the whole reason rather than just saying, “Not doing the job lol.”

I know y’all probably think it’s a stupid reason to not take a job. But some jobs are better as a summer job than anything and this was one of those jobs. I’m starting High School.. Why do I need to put extra responsibility, stress, and anxiety on myself if I wasn’t even 100% sure I wanted to do it? And I don’t. I guess you could say I failed extremely on that one but whatever for me it’s a win.. Because I saved myself from basically not being dedicated to a job someone else could do better, without anxiety and stress, and someone who can handle it.



My Experience In Trying To Find A Job


Hey guys, welcome back. Today, I wanted to share a story with you, one about growing up and realizing that the world just isn’t fair.

Where Lyss and I live, you can get your working papers at age 14. And because I never do anything, I figured, why not, I’ll try to find a job. 

My mother was chatting to the owner of a local bakery a little while ago and I happened to come up in conversation. Long story short, the owner said she’d be happy to meet me and possibly hire me when I got my papers. 

You have to get your working papers through your school guidance counselor (don’t ask, I don’t know why either) and because it’s summer, I can’t get my papers until school is in session Wednesday. 

I met the owner of the bakery on Tuesday after Freshman orientation, and she was lovely. She told me that at the moment they were fully staffed but she’d give me a call when there was an opening. I thought this was great, things were looking good for me. 

Lyss went to speak to her on Thursday because she wanted a job as well. We’ve been talking about this for a while now, excited about possibly working together. 

Yesterday, while out shopping for jeans, Lyss texted me and told me that she’d been hired and was set to begin training next week. And although I was so incredibly happy for her, my heart sunk a little. 

Why had they called Lyss and not me? My name has been on the wait list for weeks since my mother first spoke to her and neither of us have our papers yet. 

So today I went back to the bakery to speak to the owner and ask what had happened. To see if maybe she misplaced my contact information or something like that. 

I walked in and asked the girl working behind the counter if the owner was there, she told me she was in the back and would let her know I wanted to talk to her. 

When the owner came out, I explained the situation and asked what had happened. To which she replied, “Look, I’ll be honest with you, the reason I called her is because she knows one of the girls who works here. She still has to go through training and get me her papers and even then she’ll have to wait for an opening. I still have all your information and I’ll give you a call if there’s a spot open.” 

I knew exactly which girl Lyss knew. I walked out and went home with tears running down my cheeks. I don’t know if we have a name for her and I honestly can’t be bothered to check, but Lyss and I have been dealing with this girl for years and her older sister works at the bakery. 

I’m not friends with this girl but Lyss is. Personally, I don’t like her, I think she’s fake and one of those people who drags everyone down with them when they find themselves in a messy situation. 

I wasn’t called to be trained for a job because I didn’t want to be friends with someone who wouldn’t be a good friend. 

And of course my parents said that’s how it works and how it always has and that it’s not fair. And it’s not.

Of course I’m over the moon with joy for Lyss and want her to get the job more than anything, I’m just hurt that because I chose to cut toxic people out of my life, this had to happen. 

If you can take anything from this story, let it be that life isn’t and never will be fair for everyone. Don’t get too upset if things don’t work out the way you wanted them to because it happens to everyone. Everything turns out okay in the end. 

See ya soon!!!



I got a job!


Woah hey guys I can’t believe it’s already September. Holy shit this summer flew by. But it was hands down one of my best summers ever. I pulled an all nighter, I spent it with my friends, went on really fun vacations, I RECENTLY GOT 1,000 FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM (that’s very big for me), and it is the summer before my high school year. Of course I wanted to enjoy it but it wad way better than what I ever thought. 

I went to my first football game which was honestly really really fun! I hung out with Dani and a lot of my friends and overall I think even thought I’m pretty sad summer is almost over I am hyped for school. I went over my schedule after orientation(which was really fun and got me pumped for school) and after that I just am so excited for everything. The proms, the football games, homecoming, the parties, all of it. I am extremely excited.

Also this summer I recently got a job! It’s a local bakery that I can walk to every morning and my training starts next week! It’s good money plus tips and YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT FOR FREE. YEA I REPEAT ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THE BAKERY. 

I think I’m gonna like it there. Also today is my baby brothers birthday so I am currently waiting for him to get home and I thought I would blog a bit. 

I recently started The Office on Netflix and I fucking love it so far. It’s hilarious and one of my favorite shows yet. I am on season 3 and it never fails to make me smile. And that was pretty random but I thought you guys should know to watch that show.

Oh Oh Oh and hold up if y’all like memes.. i am doing a shameless self promotion for my meme page so follow @keepingupwithkock on insta for memes:)) 

This was a pretty random update but that’s all for now❤️


What you guys should know


Hey guys it’s Lyss and I am feeling a bit better from yesterday and what happened. But even though this is the worst moment in time to share things..I have decided to give you all an update on what’s been going on in my life as of right now.

So trying to jog my memory, last you heard. I was a wreck bc of my prick of an ex boyfriend, I hated boys to the extreme limit, and I was pretty much a hot mess blogging whenever I felt like it. No schedule. No everyday. Just when I could. Because my life felt as if it was falling apart. 

Alas, it is not falling apart. I am not falling apart. Because after time and time again of telling the dreaded “breakup story” to curious people who wanted to know what happened. That, 4 months and a kiss doesnt make an, “I love you”. 4 months and a kiss does not count in my book as a relationship. 4 months and a kiss is barely even anything. And I realized life is too short to care anymore. Life is just too short. So I moved on and honestly I feel like myself again. No, not the hot mess self. My normal regular and everyday Lyss self. 

But here come the updates-

So basically my summer has been overtaken by boys coming after me. Oh now you may be thinking, “How obnoxious and rude for her to say that. Boys probably aren’t doing that ugh stupid girl.” But I mean it and not as a good thing or trying to “show off” (god knows why you would want to show that off) so let me just explain. 

So the minute I got out of my relationship, a short asian boy whos friends with my friend. Told her that he liked me, after seeing one picture of me on snapchat. Like?? Anyways the kid asked for my snapchat and my idiot friend gave it to him. So i ended up talking to him, and by talking I mean by sending me a picture of half his face and asking me if i had calvin klein. YEAH I THINK NOT.

Anyways now there’s this pot head at my school. (Crazy shit I know). Which was already a major no no. I didn’t know him and he only knew me because I dated his best friend, or which I assumed he knew. So he would snapchat me like saying hi and asking what I was doing. And I was like “this is weird”. Because it freaking was. Imagine the stoner in your school who may I add has a girlfriend AND may I add is best friends with your ex starts talking to you causally like you’ve known each other all your lives (news flash: WE DIDNT).  Then out of no where I’m chilling with my family and I get a snapchat from this stoner. Basically he asked if I liked dick pics.. OUT OF THE BLUE NO CONTEXT “yeah do you like them or??” DUDE WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY “yes pothead I love those thank you so much and if you could also send me a booty pic that would be good too;)” LIKE?? 

so I contained myself and told him no and then when he asked if I sent nudes I was like “boi you coming to the wrong girl” (actual snapchat answer I gave him). And he was like “oh no I’m asking for a friend” mhm bullshit pot head bc a week later I get, “tbh you’re really hot” smh I dont have anymore time to waste on you.

Then a stupid asshole senior asking how old I was over direct message and then proceeding to say “wow you look like a sophomore” and “i deadass thought you were a sophomore lol” like ??

Now do y’all know the app Sarahah. Ok well if you don’t it’s this app where people can leave anonymous messages to you and you link it to your snapchat so they are people you know asking the questions. So like I got the, “you’re pretty😍” and the “you’re hot”. But then I also got “I’d (insert dirty word that means doing something with the male body) all over you” and I also got “I’d smash” like kids we are 14 ok. Let me spell it out you thirsty little hoes, I AINT HERE TO DO NO SMASHING OR DIRTY THINGS IM HERE TO GET OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL AND LIVE MY GOD DAMN LIFE WITHOUT YALL. 

And finally the end of my troubles, a kid we will call Andy.  I followed him on insta bc we followed the same people and he direct messaged me asking who I was and I explained and then he asked me for my snap so he could get to know me. Well I was like ok upper classmen are good to have as friends. So I said ok sure why not. Well turns out he is a junior and goes to a different high school than me. UMMM AND TURNS OUT HE SAID HE LIKED ME SO LIKE UMM. I friendzoned him and hopefully this does not happen again.

I said it before and I’ll say it again. I hate boys. Why would anyone want to show this off??

Alright also schedules came out before they were supposed to so I got a brief look at my schedule before they were taken down and I have a lot of classes with my friend Nana. 

And I am bugging out about high school, about the gym classes (turns out I have gym FIRST FREAKING PERIOD), about lunch, about my elective and whether or not I should switch before school starts. But I have been loading up on pinterest boards, and freshman advice videos and I think I’m as ready as I’ll everbe. Nervous. But ready. 

That’s all for now though and soon this will become a daily routine for me again:))




when something physically kills you, you’re dead. But emotionally when something kills you inside, then, you wish you were dead. 

Thats kinda how I’m feeling right now. 

My neighbor and good friend of my family, (we’ll call him Paul) is one of the nicest and wittiest guys I’ve ever met. He owns 3 dogs and owns a car repair shop. Hes only 57 and has just found out after feeling sick and taking an extensive trip to the hospital..he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. And only has 5 months to live.

This man who has known me since i was a baby, ever since my family moved in. He mows our lawn whenever he mows his own, he starts up our car when the engine fails, he stops us on our way to town to just have a witty conversation with us. And I physically can’t deal with it, i want to cry. I need to cry. But I’m just numb. My stomach is doing somersaults, but i can’t throw up.  

None of my friends can say anything to me. They try to but it doesnt help, I love them for trying but I turn to this blog to pour out my friends. And guys if u read this u know I love you I’m just really fucked right now. 

Yeah, I’m really fucked. My god why do horrible, horrible things happen to the best of people. And why do all the good ones have to suffer.

Updates to come.


An Open Letter To My Future Husband 


Hey guys, welcome back. So I got this idea in my head as I was about to go to sleep and I absolutely did not want to lose it so I thought I’d just quickly write this post. I think this is pretty self-explanatory so I’m just going to get started. 

Dear Future Husband,

Hi, hello. Boy, this is strange. I hope that one day you are actually reading this and I didn’t forget it existed. Oh gosh I hope it makes it to you and isn’t banished to the depths of the Internet somewhere. Anyway, I have a million questions that I’d like to ask you but by the time you’re reading this, they’ve all been answered. 

I’m writing this to you at age 14, and I’m  probably cringing behind you as you read this because I assume my views on the world will have changed by then.  But this is what teenage me wants to say to you:

First of all, if I do call you my husband, there’s a good chance you already know this but, I come with a lot of “baggage” (I can’t stand that word but I don’t know what else to call it). There’s a lot that you’ve had to deal with and major props to you for a) sticking around and b) actually getting far enough past it that you wanted to marry me. I hope that by the time we’ve met and fallen in love, my mental health issues are a thing of the past. But the fact of the matter is that they are chronic. So as much as I’d like to hope that in the future I’m cured, I know that’s not likely. 

And although I know that if I married you I must trust you, because I know myself, I will find it hard to say what’s on my mind. It’s always been this way and if for some reason that has changed, first, it’s a miracle, but secondly, don’t ignore this. If there’s something I’m not telling you, it’s nothing personal. It’s just me terrifying myself over your reaction. 

Not to be creepy but I often think of you. As a teenage girl, I do love the idea of love. I wonder about you, because you and I currently exist together but we don’t know each other yet. I’m assuming anyway, if we have already met as of when I’m writing this that’s even stranger. But I wouldn’t think so because boys never like me in that way. Back to the point, I do like to think of what you might look like, how we met, where we went for our first date. Things like that. 

There have been plenty of times that I’d doubted I’d ever find someone willing to marry me, but if you are reading this letter, I guess I did find someone. And I know that you make me smile, you make me feel confident in myself. It feels good to lie in my bedroom now and think that somewhere out there is a boy who will one day fall in love with me. 

I’m excited to meet you, to tell you the stories of my childhood. I’m excited to laugh with you, to tease you mercilessly, I’m excited to learn new things with you. From your 14 year old wife, if I can give you any advice about dealing with me, the best thing that you can ever do for me is give me a hug and tell me that you believe in me. That’s something about myself that I don’t think will ever change. On my worst days, I’ll just need to feel loved and supported. 

I hope that I actually did end up letting you read this and I didn’t make you stop halfway because it was too embarrassing. Forgive me for not saying that I love you, feels a bit odd considering I don’t know who’s reading this. 

-Your Wife 

Thanks so much for reading this, it was actually very enjoyable to write. If you want to write a letter to your future spouse, feel free to do it. Have a great rest of your day or night.  

See ya soon!!!



My Reaction To “In A Heartbeat”


Hey guys, welcome back. So, if for some reason you’ve literally been on Jupiter for the past five days, an amazing short film called “In A Heartbeat” was posted on YouTube. 

Now I first saw this a few days ago after seeing tons of posts about it on the Instagram explore page (a very dangerous wormhole to get lost in). I looked it up, watched it, and actually cried. 

And for some reason, I only just now thought of posting about it. 

“In A Heartbeat” is an LGBT+ animated short and it honestly may be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. 

My genuine first reaction was that this film was absolutely perfect. Not a single flaw to be found. And because I’m not exactly sure how to react to it via a blog post 3 days after I’ve already seen it, I’m just going to talk about it one aspect at a time. 

First of all, can I just have a moment to fangirl over the art style?! Oh my gosh it is literally so well done. It’s cute and quirky and just a 10/10. It kind of reminds me of the short films that they play in a doctor’s office. No words needed to convey a wonderful story, just some amazing artwork. Not to mention the music is adorable as well. 

Next, the fact that it is so innocent is just wonderful. Just a simple story about a first crush that happens to be about a boy who’s got a crush on another boy. The concept is just wonderful. 

Also, the scene inside the school where the other kids are staring like it’s strange,  Tore. At. My. Heart. Actual tears flowing down my cheeks. It honestly hurts me so much that that’s an unfortunate reality for so many people. 

I think YouTube was the perfect platform to release it on because so many young kids spend their entire day watching YouTube videos. Plenty of young LGBT+ kids feel like there’s something wrong with them. And this just makes it so normal.

The ending, oh my gosh. If you haven’t seen it I won’t spoil it but just know that it made me sob. I think I cried for a solid five minutes. 

Honestly, this is one of the best animated shorts I’ve ever seen and I’d love to see Disney or Pixar create an animated short as powerful as this one. Children grow up on Disney and Pixar and it would be amazing if kids grew up knowing that there’s nothing wrong with them. That they’re perfectly normal. 

This film came out at the perfect time for the LGBT+ community. After the Transgender Military Ban in the US, I feel like this restored a bit of a hope. As someone who has a lot of LGBT+ family and friends, this is something that I really care about. It’s very close to my heart. 

If you haven’t seen “In a Heartbeat” yet, I highly suggest that you watch it because it made my little heart sing. I’m obsessed with it, seemingly everyone online is obsessed with it, just check it out. I promise it’ll be the best four minutes of your life.

Click here to go watch it!

See ya soon!!!