Gray Autumn Days

10/17/18

It’s days like this, the ones where the cold bites a little harder, the wind whips a little harsher, the sky a little less blue and quite a bit more gray. The days without the sun where the once beautifully painted leaves now look dull. The days that drag. The days where the blue jays fly to the trees. These are the days I feel the worst grief.

It’s these days when my eyes, yesterday filled with wonderment, are now on the brink of tears. It’s these days where in every other sentence, my breath catches in my throat and suddenly it’s all too much. It’s these days when it hurts the worst.

When I can no longer feel the presence of those lost beside me, when I look desperately for a cardinal’s red wings to let me know that they’re here. When the lake is colorless and still, a physical representation of my own mind displayed before me, when I can’t take it.

And on the bus ride home the same song plays over and over in my headphones because I can’t be bothered to change it. And in class I snap at people, making things as sarcastic as possible, but annoyed that they can be happy when so many people can no longer share in the joy.

Days like these, cold and gray, make me desperate. And despite never being brought up religious, I have the urge to walk to the closest church. To shuffle down the aisle between rows of empty wooden pews, and collapse in the front of the large room overcome by my sorrow. To ask a God to whom I’ve never before properly prayed to, why he’d take them. Why was their time up? How could he dare take them and leave the rest of us here? Why am I so struck by some of these loses, left in the wake of it all to mourn people I never got to truly know?

Days like this make everything seem so trifle. Why learn about how dense the center of the earth is when we can all be taken from it at any moment? Why should I rotate this triangle 90 degrees if they can no longer even write their own name?

But, nevertheless, I carry on. Holding the grief the best I can, although it’s heavy. I walk through the halls a shell of a person, yet still aware of every last person’s displayed emotion. I get annoyed that the sun dares to shine between the clouds as they roll by, but I still welcome it.

I miss those I’ve lost. I never let them slip my mind. They stay in a place in my heart, never to be forgotten. I keep the memories and smile though I know there will never be any new ones.

This is in memory of them.

-Dani

(^^)/

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Quotes That Help Get Me Through Bad Days

“Promise me you will always remember: You are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” -AA Milne

“You’re not as simple as they wanted you to be” -unknown

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” -Theodore Roosevelt

“Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night” -unknown

“To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world” -Michelle Phan

“Don’t believe everything you think” -unknown

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow” -Albert Einstein

“Practice like you’ve never won. Preform like you’ve never lost”-unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“She believed she could, so she did.” -unknown

“Never stop being a good person because of bad people.” -Jay Shetty

“You are deserving of the kindness you show others”-unknown

“Whatever you are, be a good one.” -Abraham Lincoln

“You’ve survived 100% of your worst days” -unknown

“It hurt because it mattered” -John Green

“People never forget how you made them feel.” -unknown

Thanks for reading. I hope you found a quote to lift your spirits.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Dilemmas

Hi! I’m having school dilemmas and could use some advice. Please read for more information and leave any tips you can. Thank you
-Dani ❤

9/30/18

Many of us will experience many dilemmas over the course of our lives. If I’m honest, I don’t know what exactly the difference is between a dilemma and just a decision.

Give me a moment to consult google.

di·lem·ma

a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones.

de·ci·sion

a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.

the action or process of deciding something or of resolving a question.

Okay, so this is definitely more of a dilemma. Got it. I learned something today, that feels good.

Anyway, my dilemma is as follows:

I don’t know if I want to go back to mainstream high school or not.

Currently, I am attending a “therapeutic K-12 school” in my school district. And in some aspects, it’s been great for me. But it was only ever supposed to be temporary.

I’m not stuck there. If I wanted to drop everything and go back to mainstream high school tomorrow I could, and I’m free to stay as long as I need to also.

I have a love-hate relationship with it. It was the place I was in while my physical health was at its worst and while I thought I’d never make it through high school. It was the last option I wanted to have to use when it came to getting me to go back to school. I never wanted to be there. And it serves as a constant reminder of some of the worst months of my life.

But on the other hand, I’ve grown. I’ve made great friends. I’ve gotten through my school phobia, watched myself turn a corner in recovery.

I originally wanted to go back to the high school where all my friends go to by the end of the first semester. But, after going every day during the regular year, I like it. I like my schedule, my classes, my teachers. Not to mention that I’m not even sure how I’d do in a mainstream environment, I only know that I can function in a therapeutic environment.

However, mainstream high school means typical American high school experience. Everything I thought I’d have growing up. Lots of homework, stress, dances, spirit week, friends, essays, free periods in the library cramming for tests.

And believe it or not, I want all of those things. Not just spirit week and dances and friends. I miss writing essays with word counts and drowning in a sea of homework and procrastinating until I cry.

It’s so hard to watch my younger brothers get to live out the freshman year I didn’t have. No, scratch that, it’s not just hard, it’s heart wrenching; soul crushing. I can’t count all the times I’ve cried over this lost time. These memories I’ll never have. All those moments I’ll never get back. Because I spent my freshman year in psych hospitals and refusing to leave my bed.

Although, mainstream means explanations. Currently, I’m the girl who just vanished. The one who stopped coming to school but who still shows up at football games. The one shrouded in mystery. The questions. All the questions they’d ask if I came back. I don’t know how I’d cope.

Part of me wants to let go of the place that reminds me of the hard times and move on to a place where I can feel ordinary. But another part of me wants to hang on to the place that’s safe, the one that doesn’t require explanations, where I can come as I am and nobody bats an eye.

It’s difficult. Hard to have this weigh on me. It feels as though a three pound weight has been placed on my chest. It’s not heavy enough to hurt me, but heavy enough to notice, heavy enough to feel with every breath and heavy enough to add just enough pressure to make me feel like tears are about to escape my eyes.

If by some miracle, you have any advice, let me know. Please. I know that nobody can make this decision for me, but a little help would go a long way.

Thank you if you’ve bothered to read this far. I really appreciate it.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Goodbye 2017

12/31/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Today is New Year’s  and boy what a year it’s been. We thought 2016 was bad, oh my gosh we were not ready. At least for me.

I’ll be dead honest, this year sucked. Bad.

But you guys could probably tell from the extreme lack of posts. So I won’t waste my time talking about how awful my year was. Let’s talk about what 2018 is going to be.

I learned that it’s up to us to make our year the best it can be.

Last year, I left all the work to 2017 to be a good year. Just kind of sat back and let it be whatever it was. I never made any effort to make it good. Now, I don’t know, and to be blunt, I highly doubt that if I had tried any harder that it would’ve been any better. The year just sucked. And maybe it had to. I’ve learned a hell of a lot. Grown so much as a person. I am not the same girl I was when I sat down to recap 2016. That’s for sure.

And so, through a lot of hard work, I am going to make my one and only New Year’s Resolution this:

Make 2018 the best year it can possibly be.

And I hope you can do your best to do the same. You owe it to yourself. As this is my last post of the year and I want to end on a high note, I’ll leave you with a quote that I read just yesterday. A quote that is unbelievably true and for some reason it just really stuck with me.

Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one. -Brad Paisley

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

How I Self-Soothe | DBT w/ Dani lesson 1

12/21/17

Hey guys, welcome back. As I’ve mentioned previously, I went to a program specializing in DBT, dialectical behavioral therapy, to help with my mental illnesses.

And one of my favorite skills that was taught to us at that program is the self soothe skill.

Self soothing is exactly what it sounds like. Self care is so important, especially when you’re not in a good headspace. You can’t forget to take care of yourself.

I thought I’d share this one first as it’s a skill I don’t really need to teach and it’s useful for literally any negative emotion. It’s also a skill that’ll work for everyone. Some skills only work for certain people, but this one is just something that you should be doing anyway.

Things I Do To Self-Soothe

1. Listen to music

I actually have a “Self-Soothe” playlist, separate from my “bad day” playlist, it consists only of soft, peaceful music. Songs with lyrics that make me feel safe and warm, or lyrics that are very relatable (a lot of Ed Sheeran. A lot.) I’d suggest making a playlist specifically for self-soothing if you don’t have one already. Make sure it’s one you can listen to without an Internet connection as well, so you’ll always have it.

2. Warm shower or bath

If I have the time, a bath is often just what I need. But I’m a busy bee so a warm shower is nice too. If you’re in a bad mood, for some reason it’s very comforting to cry in a shower or bath. It feels good to get clean when you’re in these bad moods too, you can imagine that you’re washing away all the bad things, leaving the good, or cleansing the old to make way for the new.

3. Pajamas and blankets

I always get into the comfiest clothes possible (fuzzy pajamas) and wrap up in a blanket while hugging a stuffed animal. This is often when I have my music on. I let myself lie in bed, curled up, hiding from the world in a sense. It’s nice to give yourself the space to think things through and calm your mind. Especially in an environment that’s safe and comfortable.

4. Resting/ napping

Okay, most professionals will tell you that you shouldn’t sleep to avoid your problems. But for me, a nap is sometimes necessary to help me process my thoughts, or maybe to make things go away temporarily. Have you ever wished everything would just pause for a bit? Just long enough for you to calm down and process things? A nap or just allowing yourself to rest can be just that.

5. Sorting out my environment

This one may be a bit odd but it always helps me feel better to have a clean room. So if my room’s a bit of a mess, I’ll clean that up. Because I have OCD, this is often crucial for me to be able to think. If there’s a mess, I’ll never be able to calm down.

Things I’d definitely recommend doing while you self-soothe;

• turn on “do not disturb”

• ask to be left alone for a while

• do a calm activity you enjoy (not sprinting down the block, something like drawing)

• make sure you’re as comfortable as you can possibly be

That’s basically self-soothing in a nutshell. You’ll know what helps you calm down or feel relaxed, it’s just a matter of setting aside time to do it when you aren’t in the greatest mindset.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know if you’d like me to go over more DBT related things because I’d be more than happy to do that.

*Also quickly before I go! If you’re in the reader, head on over to our site because we’ve changed things up! Don’t mind our avatar, that’s the TEMPORARY work of Lyss. We have very exciting things in the works so look forward to that*

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

About The Transgender Military Ban…

7/27/17
Hey guys, welcome back! Alright, you’ve already heard the news. Donald Trump banned anyone who is transgender from serving in the military and there is a problem with that. A problem that I can best express in the email that I wrote to the White House in which I voice my opinion. 

Good Evening

My name is Dani ****** and I am a soon to be freshman at ********* ***** High School. I am reaching out to you today because I would like to speak my mind regarding the recent transgender military ban. I was absolutely appalled to see that the leader of our country would commit such an act of discrimination. Even though I’m not transgender, I was deeply offended by the actions of the president. I do not believe it is even remotely acceptable, no matter what gender, race, sexual orientation, or other identity, to prevent people from willingly serving this country. Growing up I was taught that this country was all about “liberty and justice for all” and I’d always believed that. If I’m not mistaken the pledge of allegiance that I recite along with the rest of my class every morning at school does not say “liberty and justice as long as you are a straight, white, cisgender, male”. The recent actions against the entire LGBT+ community are, as I’ve said, unacceptable. This country has it’s issues, but those issues can not, and will not, be solved through discrimination of any kind. Especially when that discrimination is directed at an already extremely vulnerable group of people. I hope you take my opinion and the opinions of countless others into consideration and reassess your recent decision. 
Thank you for your time. 

Now I have to give a huge shoutout to Lyss for inspiring me to take action. She texted me earlier today saying that she wrote to the White House and I decided, “you know what? So will I” 

It’s one thing to say that a decision made in our government was a bad one, but changing that decision is another thing. 

Fellow Americans, it’s time to stop wishing and waiting for change and start making change happen. If we don’t do anything about the issues that effect us, those issues will only grow. 

We are the next generation of politicians. We have to show that we care about what is going on in our country. 

Let’s not forget that the government works for us. In a republic, the people call the shots. We have the power for change. We have the power to make our voices heard. There are ways that you can get involved. 

I will not stand by and watch one person make the rest of the world think that this is how America works. This is not how America is. I have faith that our generation especially will not stand for this. 

I’ve said before that I’m not a proud American. But I only ever said that because I didn’t realize that I had the ability to change that. 

If there are issues you care about, research and find out what you can do about them. 

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

**Also as of today our blog is two years old! 🎉🎉Can you believe it? We sure can’t. Thanks for sticking with us and supporting our little blog through all its ups and downs. As always, thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.**

See ya soon!!!

-Dani 

(^^)/

How I Get Past Creative Blocks

7/8/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Today, while I was watching some YouTube videos, one of the creators mentioned having a bit of a creative block where they weren’t filming videos because they just couldn’t figure out what they wanted to do. And that gave me the idea to make this post.

I’m quite a creative person and as someone who likes to share my creations with other people through things like blogging, for example. That makes a kind of pressure to keep creating, even if people aren’t demanding that I make new things, I feel as though I should be creating new stories, drawings, posts that make you think, etc. This of course means that sometimes I run out of ideas or I just lose the motivation to create.

So I have compiled a list of things that I do to get past creative blocks.

1. Get Inspiration From Others

There is nothing wrong with taking inspiration from other people. Obviously, don’t copy their idea, but if you read someone elses blog post for example and it just makes you think, “Wow, that was really good. I really want to write something like that.” then that’s fine. I do this a lot, if I ever feel like I have nothing to write about, I read other people’s posts and then eventually I get an idea of my own.

2. Take A Break

If you’ve been staring at your computer screen for an hour trying to write that essay, it’s probably not going to come to you. So, turn the computer off, walk away, and do something else for a while. Give your brain a break for an hour and then come back and try again.

3. Put On Some Background noise

I always have something on in the background when I’m writing blog posts. Sometimes I have music but most times I have a YouTube video on. In fact, I’m watching a video right now as I’m writing this. For whatever reason, it helps. When I’m doing homework I even have something on in the background and it makes it easier for me to focus on the task at hand.

Well that’s it from me today. I hope you enjoyed and if you try any of these out and they help you, let me know. Also feel free to comment any other tips that you may have. Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/