Little reminders

10/30/16 

I don’t have anything to say so I’m just going to write this post.

  1. You are beautiful
  2. You are worth it
  3. You are loved
  4. Your smile is so pretty
  5. Your hair looks great today
  6. Your outfit is on point
  7. You have a soulmate 
  8. You will always have someone to turn to in your life
  9. You aren’t perfect but that’s okay
  10.  You’re enough
  11. One bad day doesn’t define your life
  12. We all have flaws so flaunt them
  13. Love yourself 
  14. You don’t need makeup
  15. You are always wanted

Yeah so This si pretty random, I don’t know what to write about anymore..

-Lyss

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Try Again

10/28/16

Hey guys, welcome back. I apologize for my short absence I have been home sick for the past couple of days. I did go to the doctor this afternoon and I think we’ve figured everything out so I’m all good now.

I did fall out of my routine while I was sick so as I feel better I will be getting back into it.

These next couple weeks are gonna be a little hectic especially these next weekends. Tomorrow I have a make-up piano lesson at 10:45 in the morning and I have to go out with my mom for a little while. On Sunday my brothers have a football game and I haven’t been to one of their games all season so I want to go to that.

Next weekend I’m not sure about Saturday but Sunday I am going to this event where I’m pretty sure they’re displaying a bunch of jack-o-lanterns so that’ll be fun.

The weekend after that I am going to a Girl Scout event like an hour away and I’ll be there for 3 days with no wifi so please leave some suggestions for scheduled posts because I want to get those done in advance. Last year I did all three the night before and that was like a literal hell.

And finally the following weekend I’ll be hopefully going to Virginia to visit my uncle.

So that’s that. Tonight I am going to be doing a bunch of stuff to get me back on track in terms of school and I’ll be writing another part of The Underground finally so look out for that tomorrow afternoon.

Oh and I almost forgot, before I head out we received a very special comment the other day from an old friend of ours. She moved last year and Lyss managed to get in touch with her a while back. So that was really nice.

Thanks so much for reading I am so happy to be back blogging and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

trying

10/25/16

Hey guys so a few days ago Dani posted blog Click here for it and basically I couldn’t have been summed up more. Some days I feel obligated to write and held down by this everyday schedule and I feel like I’m leaving Dani all by herself. That’s really not fair but if something not that interesting doesn’t go on that day I’m not gonna bore you guys to death. And nowadays I just have felt tied down between, homework, friends, drama, schoolwork, sleep, the play, etc. I haven’t found a lot of time and I’m sorry to say but I can’t do anything about it. I try so hard and I make excuses to cover up the fact that some days I just don’t care. I would never just get up and abandon the blog but now that I’m being bombarded with everything it’s just been so difficult and I want to say don’t expect me to be blogging everyday I may take a week long break, or a day off and I’m not going to apologize because as much as I love this blog I can’t keep up with it all so just hang on.

-Lyss

I’m a bad blogger

10/24/16

Hey guys I took a break and I’m a bad blogger I didn’t notify you or anything but starting this week I will try my hardest to get these out to you. Not that I’m interesting but just wanna a place to get things out and all I have done is neglect it. I am gonna start using my outlet now and blog. 

Well the week was good, I spent it hanging out with Laura and Dani and our newest addition on the people chart Leelee! So leelee is a boy in our school on me and Laura’s bus and he’s legit so funny and we’ve been hanging out recently with Laura and shiz. I went to a haunted house where I was pushed up against a wall as I screamed in pure terror(I’ll blog about that) and the fact that I think I’m a good friend. All of these will be coming soon since nothing goes on in my life but here’s my audition story I have that I did today! 

So I get there and I practice Johnny and Kara are there so I was laugh-singing but I practiced anyways. I decided I saw big eighth graders a few years back practice in the hallways so imma do that no one will notice WAS I WRONG! I started singing and then I hit the chorus and it got so quiet everyone sixth, seventh and eighth graders stopped and stared at me I felt the heat rush to my face and but I carried on and afterwards I felt like that big eighth grader in that hallway singing her heart out. But anyways I get into the singing portion and I open the door to my chorus teacher (who loves me) and at the end of singing she told me I did good! Then it was the acting portion, I get in and there were two parts I had to play first I played the child who had a bad report card then 3 lines into the parents side I improvised a bit instead of reading it straight off and say “uh huh” all I needed to say was “mhm” and he stopped me. 

“That was great!” 

He laughs uncontrollably 

“You sound just like a parent!”

“My mom does that so..”

“I don’t need to hear anything else that was- *laughs some more*”

I guess I did well.

So this week has been good for me so far! How was yours?

-Lyss 

Grabbing Pieces

10/24/16

Hey guys, welcome back. A few days ago, I made a post called Reaching For Pieces which was basically about how I felt like my life had shattered. And now, I feel as if I am slowly putting it back together. Only small pieces for now, because the biggest flew farthest from me.

It started yesterday when my brothers were really making me feel bad. But then something happened that changed everything (I can’t say what because of privacy reasons). Essentially, there’s someone I need to be a role model for.

The last week, as you know, has been awful for me. I felt as if I was no longer living life, but rather just moving through it.

So, I pulled myself together, got dressed, and forced myself outside to decorate for Halloween. I then came back in, did my homework, cleaned my room from top to bottom and went to be early.

Throughout the day today, I reminded myself that I had to be a role model. For the first time in two weeks, I’ve completed all the goals I set for myself today. I’m determined to be a good role model for this person, they’ll need me.

I finally feel as if I’m living life again.

See ya soon!!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

About My Brothers

10/23/16

Hey guys, welcome back. There has been something that has kind of been on my mind recently. Just bothering me from time to time.

My brothers don’t like me.

“Dani, I’m sure that’s not true. You’re their sister, they have to love you deep down.”

But they don’t. The have no problem telling me that they hate me, I’m annoying, I ruin everything, I never stop complaining…

It hurts, a lot. My parents promised that when we get older, we’ll be closer but I don’t know. They don’t hug me ever. They make fun of me all the time. They find it amusing to make me cry. They hit me and kick me.

Today, my brother got annoyed at me and I went to my room in tears. When my mom asked what was wrong, I told her. She said she’d talk to them. It didn’t change anything though. They still reminded me all day about how worthless I was to them. How little I mean to them.

I love them with all my heart but they just, don’t love me back. I hate this loophole.

See ya soon

-Dani

(^^)/

I Don’t Want To Write If It Won’t Be Good

10/22/16

Hey guys, welcome back. I haven’t been writing as frequently lately and that’s because I’ve hit a road block. I don’t want to keep telling you guys about my day over and over because that gets repetitive and boring.

I know for the past week I’ve kinda had my reasons for not posting but in my book that’s no excuse.

I feel obligated.

And although I always feel like such a bitch for saying this, I’m going to. Because I need to get my feelings out.

I feel like I’m the only one holding up this blog. Nowadays, Lyss will post something, say she’s back, and then disappear for another week. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who cares which is so not true but it hurtsto start something with another person and both be so passionate about it, and then one day it feels like the other just doesn’t care.

Im not going to abandon this blog don’t worry. I’m trying but lately I’ve just been so out of it. I can’t write anymore of the underground because I don’t have ideas right now. My life has fallen apart and I’m just so pissed at everything all the time.

I find myself shying away from people and then getting mad when I’m not invited to things. My dad is always reminding me how out of shape I am. How I should start walking. I hate myself more than ever.

I can’t recall a time when I’ve felt pretty. I find it hard to believe I was ever skinny. My self esteem is so low.

I hung out with Lyss, two of our friends, and one of their friends who I I didn’t know yesterday. And it was fun and cool, until they started with snapchat. The pictures and videos with me in them or my voice in them made me want to crawl in a hole and cry. My friend had a mirror in front of her bed that I was consciously trying to move away from.

The thing is, I can’t ask my friends to stop taking pictures and videos for snapchat. But I wish they’d stop because all my friends are well-known at school. (I won’t say popular because that makes them sound stereotypical). I don’t want all those people to see my face.

So, to any real life friend of mine who may be reading, even though I sound like a bitch, please don’t put me on your snapchat story. Don’t send pictures of me to even our closest friends. I’m trying really hard to make myself be more a part of the group and I know you don’t really get it but it’s things like that that give me so much anxiety. I love you all but I find it so difficult to be in a group with you guys sometimes and it’s really not your fault. Just, please try to make it easier for me.

See ya soon

-Dani

(^^)/

 

The Day After

10/20/16

Hey guys, welcome back. As you read yesterday, some pretty dramatics stuff has gone down. If you were too lazy to read yesterday’s post, I don’t really blame you it turned out to be over 700 words long. Basically, my dog was hit by a car.

He is okay and was fine last night post vet too. But my dad told us that if we wanted too we could stay home with him today. At first I wasn’t going to. I thought I couldn’t afford to miss school. But this morning he was really in pain. Just very sore. And it broke my heart to leave him.

It turns out he really needed us home with him. He is normally kind of independent and roams around the house by himself. Today, he stayed with us, sitting at our feet, snuggling up to us on the couch (even though technically he isn’t supposed to do that).

My grandma did take us out for a quick lunch but the whole time all I could think about was my dog.

I’m going back to school tomorrow and, of course, it’s giving me anxiety. I don’t even know why. It is pink day at our school tomorrow so we’re supposed to wear pick in support of breast cancer awarness.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. This weekend maybe I’ll be able to pull myself together enough to write and clean my room and stuff. We’ll see. I think I just have to hold onto the fact that tomorrow is Friday.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

I’ve Never Been So Scared

10/19/16

Hey guys, welcome back. This is officially the worst week of my life. Today, everything was okay, I did have swimming but that’s not what I’m concerned with now. Before I continue and say anything further, I would like to say that everything is okay now. Everything is going to be just fine so don’t freak out. Also brace yourself for a long post.

Today, at about 7:00 this evening, my dog got hit by a car.

I wasn’t home, I had been at piano and then my mom and I went to get gas for the car. We were approaching the main road of the next town over from our house when my mom got a message from one of our neighbors. She asked me to read it and it said, “Is he okay? Your son? Your house? Your dog?? Your husband???”

I thought it might have been a wrong number but my mom wanted to call the house to make sure. We did and asked if everything was okay, my dad told us the dog got hit by a car.

He said that the dog got out of the house and onto the main road. We live in a very quiet neighborhood so the “main road” is never busy. My dad had parked his car on the street with the hazard lights on, the neighbor who texted my mom had her car in the street, my dad, the neighbor, and my brother were all standing there.

The dog ran across the street, my brother was sprinting towards him, and some woman didn’t stop. The dog got hit, fell, rolled over, yelped, got up and ran home. My brother collapsed on the ground screaming. My dad screamed at the woman and cursed her out before she insisted that it wasn’t her fault. My dad ran after the dog and found him in our driveway, tail between his legs.

When I heard all of this, I felt a pang in my chest that rang throughout my body, my throat burned, and I began to sweat. Then, after a moment, my limbs went numb and I dropped the phone. It’s the same feeling I got when my grandfather died, when I learned my first dog had cancer, every time I hear the screech of car brakes and the accident that follows.

All I could see in my mind was my dog getting hit and falling to the ground. Over and over and over. I don’t think I have ever been so aware of distances and street signs. Counting how many more there would be until we got home. When we finally pulled into our street, there were two policemen and their cars standing outside our house. I ran up the front lawn and into the house where I saw my dog waiting at the top of the stairs, just the way he always does. But his tail was still between his legs.

Even though he was walking fine and acting normal, we took him to the local emergency vet to make sure. The doctor was very nervous, stumbling over his words, speaking in a sad tone. He must have been new. Upon initial examination, the dog was fine. But they wanted to run x-rays and blood work to be sure.

That would take two hours so I went home with my mom and brother to get my homework, which I had not yet done. My brother didn’t want to come back to the vet so we called grandma. When we got back to the vet’s I did all my homework in the waiting room. Just as I finished, the doctor came to tell us that the last of the results were processing and would be done in two minutes.

Everything came back normal but I wasn’t relieved until my dog came out, wagging his tail and panting from excitement. He had been sedated so he was a bit drunk looking as he walked in the house. He managed to walk out of this with only a few scrapes here and there. He’ll be sore for a while but he is okay. He is actually sleeping at my feet as I write this.

Nothing has ever scared me as much as that.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Reaching For Pieces

10/18/16

Hey guys, welcome back. I’m sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I went to my aunts wake and I just really wasn’t in a good mood.

I have just kind of fallen apart. I’m not sure what to do so I’ve just been very angry and I’ve gotten so frustrated. If you were to ask any of my friends I garuntee that they’d tell you I’ve been kind of a botch these last two days. And I’m not mad at them for that becaus it’s true.

Normally, as you can probably tell, I don’t really say “bad words”. I mean the occasional hell or crap is really as far as it gets. But I’ve been cursing a lot more recently.

My room has been a mess, I haven’t practiced violin or piano, I haven’t written any of The Underground in like two weeks.

It feels as if I’ve been placed under a spell that holds me in one spot. I’ve watched my life shatter before my eyes and now I am desperately reaching for the pieces to put it back together again.

Im working on it. Hopefully I’ll really get back on it Thursday when I have free time.

See ya soon!!!!!

-Dani

(^^)/