An Open Letter To My Future Husband 

8/20/17

Hey guys, welcome back. So I got this idea in my head as I was about to go to sleep and I absolutely did not want to lose it so I thought I’d just quickly write this post. I think this is pretty self-explanatory so I’m just going to get started. 

Dear Future Husband,

Hi, hello. Boy, this is strange. I hope that one day you are actually reading this and I didn’t forget it existed. Oh gosh I hope it makes it to you and isn’t banished to the depths of the Internet somewhere. Anyway, I have a million questions that I’d like to ask you but by the time you’re reading this, they’ve all been answered. 

I’m writing this to you at age 14, and I’m  probably cringing behind you as you read this because I assume my views on the world will have changed by then.  But this is what teenage me wants to say to you:

First of all, if I do call you my husband, there’s a good chance you already know this but, I come with a lot of “baggage” (I can’t stand that word but I don’t know what else to call it). There’s a lot that you’ve had to deal with and major props to you for a) sticking around and b) actually getting far enough past it that you wanted to marry me. I hope that by the time we’ve met and fallen in love, my mental health issues are a thing of the past. But the fact of the matter is that they are chronic. So as much as I’d like to hope that in the future I’m cured, I know that’s not likely. 

And although I know that if I married you I must trust you, because I know myself, I will find it hard to say what’s on my mind. It’s always been this way and if for some reason that has changed, first, it’s a miracle, but secondly, don’t ignore this. If there’s something I’m not telling you, it’s nothing personal. It’s just me terrifying myself over your reaction. 

Not to be creepy but I often think of you. As a teenage girl, I do love the idea of love. I wonder about you, because you and I currently exist together but we don’t know each other yet. I’m assuming anyway, if we have already met as of when I’m writing this that’s even stranger. But I wouldn’t think so because boys never like me in that way. Back to the point, I do like to think of what you might look like, how we met, where we went for our first date. Things like that. 

There have been plenty of times that I’d doubted I’d ever find someone willing to marry me, but if you are reading this letter, I guess I did find someone. And I know that you make me smile, you make me feel confident in myself. It feels good to lie in my bedroom now and think that somewhere out there is a boy who will one day fall in love with me. 

I’m excited to meet you, to tell you the stories of my childhood. I’m excited to laugh with you, to tease you mercilessly, I’m excited to learn new things with you. From your 14 year old wife, if I can give you any advice about dealing with me, the best thing that you can ever do for me is give me a hug and tell me that you believe in me. That’s something about myself that I don’t think will ever change. On my worst days, I’ll just need to feel loved and supported. 

I hope that I actually did end up letting you read this and I didn’t make you stop halfway because it was too embarrassing. Forgive me for not saying that I love you, feels a bit odd considering I don’t know who’s reading this. 

-Your Wife 

Thanks so much for reading this, it was actually very enjoyable to write. If you want to write a letter to your future spouse, feel free to do it. Have a great rest of your day or night.  

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

My Reaction To “In A Heartbeat”

8/4/17

Hey guys, welcome back. So, if for some reason you’ve literally been on Jupiter for the past five days, an amazing short film called “In A Heartbeat” was posted on YouTube. 

Now I first saw this a few days ago after seeing tons of posts about it on the Instagram explore page (a very dangerous wormhole to get lost in). I looked it up, watched it, and actually cried. 

And for some reason, I only just now thought of posting about it. 

“In A Heartbeat” is an LGBT+ animated short and it honestly may be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. 

My genuine first reaction was that this film was absolutely perfect. Not a single flaw to be found. And because I’m not exactly sure how to react to it via a blog post 3 days after I’ve already seen it, I’m just going to talk about it one aspect at a time. 

First of all, can I just have a moment to fangirl over the art style?! Oh my gosh it is literally so well done. It’s cute and quirky and just a 10/10. It kind of reminds me of the short films that they play in a doctor’s office. No words needed to convey a wonderful story, just some amazing artwork. Not to mention the music is adorable as well. 

Next, the fact that it is so innocent is just wonderful. Just a simple story about a first crush that happens to be about a boy who’s got a crush on another boy. The concept is just wonderful. 

Also, the scene inside the school where the other kids are staring like it’s strange,  Tore. At. My. Heart. Actual tears flowing down my cheeks. It honestly hurts me so much that that’s an unfortunate reality for so many people. 

I think YouTube was the perfect platform to release it on because so many young kids spend their entire day watching YouTube videos. Plenty of young LGBT+ kids feel like there’s something wrong with them. And this just makes it so normal.

The ending, oh my gosh. If you haven’t seen it I won’t spoil it but just know that it made me sob. I think I cried for a solid five minutes. 

Honestly, this is one of the best animated shorts I’ve ever seen and I’d love to see Disney or Pixar create an animated short as powerful as this one. Children grow up on Disney and Pixar and it would be amazing if kids grew up knowing that there’s nothing wrong with them. That they’re perfectly normal. 

This film came out at the perfect time for the LGBT+ community. After the Transgender Military Ban in the US, I feel like this restored a bit of a hope. As someone who has a lot of LGBT+ family and friends, this is something that I really care about. It’s very close to my heart. 

If you haven’t seen “In a Heartbeat” yet, I highly suggest that you watch it because it made my little heart sing. I’m obsessed with it, seemingly everyone online is obsessed with it, just check it out. I promise it’ll be the best four minutes of your life.

Click here to go watch it!

See ya soon!!!

-Dani 

(^^)/

One month’s time

8/3/17

Hey guys its Lyss and let me just start off by saying in one month I will be a freshman. Not only that I will be a very nervous freshman. Yet also very very excited. I mean this is the next chapter of my life. Sweatshirts and messy hair is accepted here. But also it means boys, college, and some serious stuff. It’s like I’m losing my childhood virginity. I’m gonna exposed here people. E X P O S E D. But let me briefly fill you in on how my summers been going because hell its almost over. 

In May I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months, in June I went to Florida and graduated middle school(yay!), In July I got over my boyfriend and started getting really nervous for high school, and now in August I have already been hit on by a senior, freshman, and a junior. I am honestly ready to jump off a cliff. I ain’t worried about boys and those 4 months taught me that I shouldn’t be worrying about that stuff at the moment. But that don’t stop these hoes from sliding into my dm’s (literally a guy tried to pick me up over dm). And no matter where I go I can’t escape their plentiful bullshit. 

And one thing is for sure I am nervous as hell to go into high school. I don’t want to see all the people I thought I left behind, or my stupid ex, or just anyone who did me wrong. And my friends have siblings who went to our hs so its easy for them but I’m going crazy. I may go insane before hs starts. I have watched ever freshman advice video out there, literally every video. Searched pinterest non stop for a first day outfit. And my friends will not let it down about a diet for.. wait for it.. HOMECOMING. I know for a fact I will not be asked and honestly I am ok with that I think I need some time for myself. To just focus on grades and get into a good college and live my life like boldly. Boys can wait until college, ya know. But right now in one months time a ew chapter will begin. My chapter:))

-Lyss  

10 Things I Did To Lose 10 Pounds

8/2/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Can you believe it’s already August? Neither can I. One month until I’m a high school freshman (!!!). Anyway, as you know I’ve been trying to lose weight for the past, ummmmm, 5 years or so. Yeah, ever since I first started gaining a ton of weight in like 3rd grade I’ve been trying to lose it. 

And this time I’m finally making an actual good effort to do so. I’ve lost 10 pounds in about 2 and a half months or so. Which I’m pretty proud of considering my metabolism is no doubt running at a snails pace by now and I’ve got a condition, from being overweight, that makes it harder to lose weight (how unfair right?). 

But, as I know that people are constantly trying to lose weight and get healthy, I thought I’d share the things that helped me get started. Of course, I do have quite a ways to go but now that I’ve started and I’m so used to this, I don’t think it’ll be too hard to continue. 

These are literally so simple. It’s surprisingly very easy to do. 

Quick disclaimer: this is what works for me and my body. It may not be what works for you. There’s no harm in trying, all of these things are good for you and in no way harmful. If you really are struggling to lose weight, your doctor can probably help you out. 

1. Be mindful of emotional eating and only eat when you’re hungry 

It’s really common to eat out of pure boredom, or stress, sadness, etc. But if you’re trying to lose weight, this is something you should definitely avoid doing. When you’re rummaging through your kitchen, take a moment to pause and ask yourself if you really are hungry. If the answer is no, leave the kitchen. Go put on your favorite show or listen to some music. 

2. Drink more water. 

Yeah, I know you’ve heard this literally everywhere and “oh but I don’t like the taste of water, it’s so boring”. But, seriously it works. And it works so well. Water is the number one remover of fat from your body. Number one! And in addition to that, it basically solves all your other problems too. Acne? Water. Dry hair and skin? Water. Weak hair and nails? Water. Chronic fatigue no matter how much sleep you get? Water. Sure, at first you will need to use the bathroom every half hour but after a little while, your body does adjust. So stay hydrated. 

3. Try to do SOME form of movement every day. 

Even if you don’t have the time or energy for a full workout, try to do something that gets your heart rate up every day. A brisk walk around your neighborhood, dancing to your favorite song, playing with your dog until you’re both laying on the floor panting, and so on. 

4. Set goals

How much weight do you want to lose? What’s your ideal weight? If you have a specific goal in mind, it’s way easier to get started trying to achieve it. Also break big goals into smaller ones. Want to lose, let’s say fifteen pounds? Start with losing five. 

5. Don’t weigh yourself everyday

Your weight naturally varies day to day. You will get so frustrated if you’re constantly micromanaging your weight and basically glued to your scale. I weight myself once a week (usually Friday). In addition to your weight, it’s a good idea to keep tabs on your BMI. Your BMI (body mass index) is basically the way your height and weight are related, if you’re at a healthy weight in comparison to your height. It’s important to make sure that you don’t lose too much and end up in the underweight category and is also a good way to tell if you should even be trying to lose weight in the first place. If you type in “BMI chart” or “BMI calculator” to google you’ll be able to figure it out really easily. 

6. Stop counting calories 

This was one of the hardest and scariest things for me to do. I’d always, always been told that if you’re trying to lose weight, you should count calories. But really, as long as you’re eating the right foods, it’ll be very hard for you to have too many calories. As long as you eat when you’re feeling hungry and stop when you’re feeling full you’ll be fine. 

7. Fruits and Vegetables 

I know, now I sound like your parents, but it’s true. Fruits and vegetables are packed full of literally almost everything your body needs. 

8. Don’t just do cardio

Add in some core workouts, arms, legs, etc. That said…

9. Vary your workouts

If every day you go on a 20 minute run, and then do sit-ups, squats, and push ups, you’re going to get very bored very fast and probably give up. So switch things up, go on a bike ride or go for a swim. YouTube is a great place to find all types of interesting workouts as well

10. It’s okay to slip up 

You’ll have days when you don’t feel like working out. Or days when you consume all the sweet things you can get your hands on. And that’s okay. Realistically, you cannot cut out all “junk-food”. You and I both know that you’d give up on your diet in 2 days. So don’t feel too bad about that cookie or glass of iced tea. As long as you don’t make it a regular thing, you’ll be fine. 

There you go! I hope you enjoyed and I hope this helps you out. Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night. 

See ya soon!!!

-Dani 

(^^)/

Our country is falling apart over here

7/27/17

Hey guys it’s Lyss and boy has it been a while. And heads up my wifi is currently being fixed so you may be reading this July 28th but hey better late than never. *thats hows it been the last 6 months u inactive bitxh**

Let me just say that the United States is a pile of nothingness. I know all of y’all are probably like “oh hell no Zambobwe has it worse” but are they led by the biggest asshat in the world? I don’t think so. 

So by now y’all have heard of this stupid transgender ban in the military. Yes a ban in our military of fully capable, and willing people who just were born in the wrong body and changed. Our beloved president believes that the cost is “too expensive” but we all know it’s just because he’s a transphobic piece of trash. 

And as you heard in Dani’s post yes I wrote to the god damn white house with all my facs laid out. It’s long af but if u take the time to read it then hopefully trump will too:))))))

Good afternoon,
My name is Alyssa **** and I am a soon to be freshman at ******* ***** High School. I am reaching out to you today because I have a few comments about the transgender ban in the military. Firstly, I believe this was an act of discrimination and not expense. No matter who you are, what race, gender, sexuality, or anything should stop a person from serving the country they love and are willing to die for. Secondly, when you took a swear of oath, one that swore you would protect your country and part of protecting your country is doing whats best for the people in it. How is banning people who have such devotion to their land but switched from one gender to another justice? How is this liberty for all if you’re discriminating against many?? Also, it is found that only between 30 and 140 service members would seek hormone therapy and 25 to 130 personnel would pursue surgical treatment and there is currently an estimated 1,320 to 5,530 transgender service members on active duty with an addition 1,500 on reserve. And it was concluded that the Military Health System would only see an increase in $2.4 million and $8.4 million per year. And whichever number that you take the pentagon could take out considering that the House of Representatives passed a National Defense Authorization Bill that would raise defense spending to $696 billion in fiscal year 2018. At the high end, transgender health spending would account for .01 percent of the Department of Defense’ budget. And yes you claim that over time billions upon billions of dollars would be taken out to deploy these treatments but only .01 percent would request for it. I am deeply disturbed with this act of discrimination and unjustness by the leader of our country who may I add to what it now seems like only to have people vote his way stated, “Thank you to the LGBT community! I will fight for you while Hillary brings in more people that will threaten your freedoms and beliefs.” But you have done the exact same thing you swore not to and I would like you to reconsider your actions and what it will do in the eyes of the people of this country, not to say the thousands of transgenders who are deeply saddened, disgusted, and outraged by your actions today..

Thank you for your time, sincerely Alyssa ****

So tht happened and I was F U M I N G but I am calmer but it’s sent and he probably won’t answer but that got me so riled up

On another note happy two year blogoversary to our lil blog. It’s been quite a ride and I have gossip for y’all so I’m gonna update you on all that shiz soon:) and thank you guys for sticking with us.ūüíēūüíē

-Lyss

About The Transgender Military Ban…

7/27/17
Hey guys, welcome back! Alright, you’ve already heard the news. Donald Trump banned anyone who is transgender from serving in the military and there is a problem with that. A problem that I can best express in the email that I wrote to the White House in which I voice my opinion. 

Good Evening

My name is Dani ****** and I am a soon to be freshman at ********* ***** High School. I am reaching out to you today because I would like to speak my mind regarding the recent transgender military ban. I was absolutely appalled to see that the leader of our country would commit such an act of discrimination. Even though I’m not transgender, I was deeply offended by the actions of the president. I do not believe it is even remotely acceptable, no matter what gender, race, sexual orientation, or other identity, to prevent people from willingly serving this country. Growing up I was taught that this country was all about “liberty and justice for all” and I’d always believed that. If I’m not mistaken the pledge of allegiance that I recite along with the rest of my class every morning at school does not say “liberty and justice as long as you are a straight, white, cisgender, male”. The recent actions against the entire LGBT+ community are, as I’ve said, unacceptable. This country has it’s issues, but those issues can not, and will not, be solved through discrimination of any kind. Especially when that discrimination is directed at an already extremely vulnerable group of people. I hope you take my opinion and the opinions of countless others into consideration and reassess your recent decision. 
Thank you for your time. 

Now I have to give a huge shoutout to Lyss for inspiring me to take action. She texted me earlier today saying that she wrote to the White House and I decided, “you know what? So will I” 

It’s one thing to say that a decision made in our government was a bad one, but changing that decision is another thing. 

Fellow Americans, it’s time to stop wishing and waiting for change and start making change happen. If we don’t do anything about the issues that effect us, those issues will only grow. 

We are the next generation of politicians. We have to show that we care about what is going on in our country. 

Let’s not forget that the government works for us. In a republic, the people call the shots. We have the power for change. We have the power to make our voices heard. There are ways that you can get involved. 

I will not stand by and watch one person make the rest of the world think that this is how America works. This is not how America is. I have faith that our generation especially will not stand for this. 

I’ve said before that I’m not a proud American. But I only ever said that because I didn’t realize that I had the ability to change that. 

If there are issues you care about, research and find out what you can do about them. 

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

**Also as of today our blog is two years old! ūüéČūüéČCan you believe it? We sure can’t. Thanks for sticking with us and supporting our little blog through all its ups and downs. As always, thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.**

See ya soon!!!

-Dani 

(^^)/

Coming Clean

7/24/17

Hey guys, welcome back! I know, it’s been a while and I promised I was back. Unfortunately, my computer wasn’t working, it wouldn’t load anything past opening my browser. And I hate blogging from my phone because it’s so slow and WordPress crashes constantly on there, deleting like half of my post. But all my computer issues have been resolved so I’m back.

I’ve talked a bit about how recently I’ve been feeling left out by my friends and although I’ve confronted them before, nothing was really being done to change things, so I felt really hurt. Two weeks ago, I finally decided to come clean about it and tell them everything I’d been feeling. I wrote out a message in a group chat explaining how I’d been feeling.

Now, as a generally socially awkward and anxious person I was absolutely terrified of the response I might get. So, I turned off all my notifications and put on do not disturb just to be safe. For about an hour after I sent the message I didn’t check the responses. When I finally did pluck up the courage to do so, the responses were mostly positive. My friends were apologizing that I’d felt that way and explaining that they were just trying to be extra cautious because they didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable or anxious.

And then there was one response that made my stomach drop.

I was a bit angry and very upset when I wrote the message so in it I said something along the lines of “if you don’t want me around anymore then just tell me so I don’t have to spend my time worrying about things that are out of my control”

One of my friends, who happens to live a block away from me, said that I was welcome at her house anytime for any reason and then said that she’d been feeling left out too. Which was then followed by a message directed at the other members of the chat that said “you haven’t included us in one thing and if you’re going to do the same thing with Dani just tell her to get new friends don’t lie to her she’s been through enough”

And then all hell broke loose.

Everyone started pointing fingers and letting out all their pent-up teenage angst all at once. It got to the point where everyone was so mad at each other that they decided they wanted to stop talking.

My heart shattered, I started immediately sobbing and shaking. One full-blown panic attack about destroying my entire friendship group later, I gathered my thoughts enough to make a plan. I felt responsible for this so I had to be the one to fix it. We all planned to meet in person to talk things out because things are so easily misread over text.

But before is meeting up could even happen, the friend who send the original message saying not to lie to me called everyone to apologize. Everyone made up and all was okay again.

We still did meet for dinner at our local diner and spent the whole time talking and laughing like nothing even happened.   It was very relieving that the wounds healed quickly and we’ve all been trying to make a better effort to be open, honest, and most importantly, inclusive.

If you take anything from this post, let it be this; if your friendships are worth hanging onto, honesty is a must. And if those friends are good friends, there will be ups and downs but through it all you will remain friends

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

 

 

 

How I Get Past Creative Blocks

7/8/17

Hey guys, welcome back. Today, while I was watching some YouTube videos, one of the creators mentioned having a bit of a creative block where they weren’t filming videos because they just couldn’t figure out what they wanted to do. And that gave me the idea to make this post.

I’m quite a creative person and as someone who likes to share my creations with other people through things like blogging, for example. That makes a kind of pressure to keep creating, even if people aren’t demanding that I make new things, I feel as though I should be creating new stories, drawings, posts that make you think, etc. This of course means that sometimes I run out of ideas or I just lose the motivation to create.

So I have compiled a list of things that I do to get past creative blocks.

1. Get Inspiration From Others

There is nothing wrong with taking inspiration from other people. Obviously, don’t copy their idea, but if you read someone elses blog post for example and it just makes you think, “Wow, that was really good. I really want to write something like that.” then that’s fine. I do this a lot,¬†if I ever feel like I have nothing to write about, I read other people’s posts and then eventually I get an idea of my own.

2. Take A Break

If you’ve been staring at your computer screen for an hour trying to write that essay, it’s probably not going to come to you. So, turn the computer off, walk away, and do something else for a while. Give your brain a break for an hour and then come back and try again.

3. Put On Some Background noise

I always have something on in the background when I’m writing blog posts. Sometimes I have music but most times I have a YouTube video on. In fact, I’m watching a video right now as I’m writing this. For whatever reason, it helps. When I’m doing homework I even have something on in the background and it makes it easier for me to focus on the task at hand.

Well that’s it from me today. I hope you enjoyed and if you try any of these out and they help you, let me know. Also feel free to comment any other tips that you may have. Thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

I’ve Returned

7/7/17

Hey guys, welcome back. I know, I know, I did say that I’d be back on the 22nd of June but, things got in the way of that. And I’ve taken my¬†(very long) time off to reflect and do some thinking in terms of where I want to take this blog. What I want from it.

And I’ve realized that I want what we had in the beginning. I don’t want to be fake. I want to write real posts with my real feelings. I want Lyss and I to love blogging. I don’t want this to be a daily chore, I want it to be something that I really, genuinely enjoy doing.

For me, that starts with being completely honest.

The last 9 months have been the worst of my entire life. Aside from the PANS, which I originally though was the cause of this, I’m having issues with my mental health. Now, yes, the PANS does manifest in psychiatric symptoms but I have been on medication for that for almost 6 months at this point. So my doctors have come to the conclusion that it is more than that.

I’ve been going to therapy since I was 9, but it was only about 8 months ago that I finally switched to a therapist that I am comfortable with. One that I feel that I can easily open up to, who I don’t have to censor myself around. I feel better after I leave these sessions, instead of worse.

I’m also on psychiatric medicine. I don’t really know how much it’s doing for me but I did switch from an SSRI to a more common¬†antidepressant¬†and it’s only been a couple of weeks so really¬†it’s too early to tell. I do have an Ativan prescription because my panic attacks have been so frequent but it doesn’t work for me so¬†at this point I have completely¬†given up on it.

Another thing that I did briefly touch on was the fact that I had been feeling a bit abandoned by my friends, which you can read about here. And the feeling of being left out is still there, but now it has turned into more of a self-hatred thing. I often think about how I can’t blame my friends for not wanting to be around me when I have spent all my time isolating myself and doing nothing to help myself get better. It’s my own fault.

I’ve started to try to commit myself to losing weight and getting healthy. Which, if you’ve been here a while, you’ll know is something I’ve always struggled with. I’m currently 10 pounds down from my starting weight. I’ve got more to go but I want this.

My little cousin, who I’ve not spoken about since this post, is doing wonderful. I’ve seen her two more times and she’s now nearly a year old. She’s beautiful. And she has become my reason for continuing. My uncle is doing his best to gain full custody of her and if he does, which seems likely as of right now, I will be the only female role model in her life. Now, yes, there is our grandmother and my mother, but I will be the closest in age. The one that she’ll trust. My uncle has already told me that he thinks I’m going to be her best friend. So, when I’ve felt like my world is collapsing around me, when I’ve thought that it would never get better, looking through her photos reminds me that I’m needed, wanted, loved.

I cannot speak for Lyss, but I do know that for me, this blog is a safe place. Somewhere I can go when I need support, something I love doing. And so let this be the beginning of a new era. As we near our two-year blogoversary, allow this to be the start of a new chapter of blogging. A chapter dedicated to honesty, love, determination, hope, and healing. I’m done being sick. I’m done being broken. To anyone reading who feels like they are at their lowest low, that there is nothing that can help them get better, I understand, but it will get better. I extend a hand to you, we’ll pull each other from the trenches.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Um……hi

6/7/17

Hey guys, welcome back. I feel like it’s been a lot longer than it has. In reality, it’s been less than two weeks since I last posted but I feel like it has been literal months.

And this will be changing I promise. ¬†I love blogging so much and I cannot just stop. I’m not stopping. But you have to understand that I’ve had a lot going on.

I’m still not caught up on my school work. And finals are next week. My piano recital is saturday, my dance recital is next Sunday, and in all honesty, I’m terrified of the next few weeks.

There is so much happening and I was so hoping to return to the blogosphere at the beginning of June. To catch up with all of you lovelies who I’ve missed so much.

But unfortunately I have so many other things that I HAVE to be focusing on right now. So I have decided that my official return to blogging is going to be…

Thursday June 22, 2017.

The last day of school, my mind will finally be at ease, everything will finally be over. After the 22nd, life gets so much easier for both Lyss and I. I already promised her that we were going to make this summer amazing and I have every intention of including blogging in that.

And so this is my farewell for the next two-ish weeks (I can’t be bothered to do the math). Wish me luck. Thank you all for being so supportive and understanding throughout these awful months. I look forward to speaking to you very soon.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/