Hey, anyone there?

8/27/2020

*Note: I originally started writing this post in May (yes, MAY). And if that doesn’t speak to who I am as a person, then I don’t know what will)*

I feel like I do this too often.

I’ll announce my grand return to the blogosphere, post that, only to drop off the face of the earth for….

How long has it been?

*checks*

ALMOST NINE MONTHS!!!! Damn, it really didn’t feel that long.

I don’t know why I struggle to keep up with this. I do enjoy it. Sitting here, typing up a post, it’s familiar and feels comforting. Maybe it’s because it seems like there aren’t too many people who are active on here anymore.

If you’re one of our old friends reading this and we don’t keep in touch, know that I miss you. I’d love to know how you’re doing. Please, feel free to reach out anytime and we’ll find a way to stay in contact.

I don’t even know if I want to begin to address the current state of the world. It’s a lot to take in, y’know? Personally, I’ve been stuck at home for five and a half months now and it looks like I will be for the foreseeable future.

For me though, this isn’t new. I’ve done this before.

If you’ve been here a while you might remember about three years ago I had some issues with my mental health that forced me to do school with tutors from my dining room table. I basically never left my house. It was an awful experience and when I found out that I’d have to do it again, I was scared. I didn’t want this time to feel like last time. But it doesn’t, and I’m not the same person I was three years ago.

It feels good. Change is good, y’know? I’m so much better equipped for this than I was three years ago. And it’s a strange thing to be able to say that I was “prepared” in a sense, for a global pandemic.

When I last left off, it was December. I was so excited because I’d just been assigned my first big paper at the mainstream school. I was so excited because I felt like I had a real, big expectation placed on me. And I did write most of the paper, but after school moved online, my teacher postponed the due date and then never assigned a new one soooooo….

Anyway, I’M ABOUT TO BE A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR!!!! This time next week, I will have just completed the first day of my senior year…. from my laptop in my bedroom.

Yeah, it’s not exactly how I imagined my senior year would start out but it is what it is. I’ll be continuing with my split-schedule between the mainstream school and the alternative school. And at the mainstream school I’ll be taking two honors classes!

Point is, I’m a senior. I’m a senior and I’m going to graduate on time. I’m a senior and I’m applying to colleges, schools away from home at that.

I made it.

Freshman year was awful and 15 year-old me was convinced she’d drop out before long. But I didn’t. I’m here. I’ve found my way back to myself. The person I was before I got sick. And I’ve made her better. Slowly but surely, I’m becoming the very person I’ve always wanted to be.

If anyone’s interested, I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life (at least I’m 99% sure). I want to teach secondary English with a certification in special education. I’m not sure when I’ll manage to get certified for special ed., considering that most secondary education programs already require that you double major in secondary education and the subject you wish to teach. Maybe I’ll get it later on, I can figure that out when I get there.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I didn’t plan this post. I just wanted to write. I wanted to share. I’ve missed this. This familiar place that once brought me so much joy.

I want to return. I want to write about things that 17 year-old me cares about. Because, let’s face it, 13 year-old me was weird. I have ideas and stories to tell and feelings to share.

And there’s no place else I’d rather share them.

So if you’ve been here a while, it’s really nice to see you again. And if you’re new, welcome to the shit show, I hope you’ll stick around for the ride.

I believe I said it at some point in December, but it’s worth repeating: I’m unsure where Lyss stands. I don’t know if she’ll return. I haven’t talked to her about it. But please know that she and I are still very close. And I will be forever grateful to have a friend like her. So even if she doesn’t return, I can say with certainty that this blog always has and always will hold a place in her heart. She will always love and cherish the friends we’ve made over the years.

Thank you for reading. To those of you who’ve been here a while, thank you for sticking around. I hope you have a great day or night, wherever you are in the world.

See you soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

One Of Those Days

3/10/19

Today has just been one of those days. One of those days where it feels like nothing matters, not even me.

One of those days where my bed is safer than anywhere else. When all I want to do is sleep to make the time pass quicker.

Today is one of those days where I feel like crying but I can’t. Where I’m on the verge of breaking down but there’s something that’s making me hold it all in.

One of those days where I pretend I’m fine for as long as I can, and then something little will make me feel like I’m going insane.

Today has been one of those days where nobody can say the right thing, nothing will help. One of those days where it feels like there’s a hole in my chest that I can never fill.

But it’s okay, I’ll get through it. Don’t worry. It’s just one of those days.

-Dani

(^^)/

 

Healing

12/8/18

First, I’ll address the glaringly obvious: two posts in one day? Don’t worry, you haven’t fallen through a wormhole to December 2015, this is happening.

*hold for laughter at my comedic genius*

The events leading up to this post are a bit odd, but they’ve made me think regardless.

A few weeks ago, I made the (horrible) decision to shave my legs despite already having razor burn from the previous time I’d shaved. So, as you can probably imagine, this made things immensely worse. And even though my legs have been itchy and red and uncomfortable, I’ve kept up with my shaving routine.

Bad idea I’m aware.

Last night, I was brushing my teeth when my mom came into the bathroom, sat on the edge of the tub, and began applying Vaseline to her feet. Now, it’s winter in the US and my poor mom is so sensitive to the cold, dry weather that her feet get dry and crack. She’s usually in quite a bit of pain this time of year.

I asked her how long she’d been having to do that, and she said, “A few days. I probably should have started doing it earlier.”

This got me thinking. Despite both of us knowing what to do to heal our bodies, neither of us did anything until we absolutely couldn’t take it.

For me, this sort of think happens a lot. Often, I’ll know the exact steps I have to take in order to feel better about something, but I just won’t until I don’t have another option.

Call it laziness, procrastination, or a side effect of depression, but it happens so much.

As of now, my room is a mess, I have homework to do, etc. and although it’s stressful, I have no will to make anything change.

Or at least I didn’t until about a half hour ago.

I was having my usual 45-minute shower concert/daydream/overthinking session and my mind drifted here. To this. I am capable of changing these things and making myself feel better. So what’s stopping me?

The answer is still unclear, and I think it’s different for everyone. But I’m going to change this. I paused to write this but as soon as I press “publish”, I’ll be on my way to cleaning my room, doing my homework, and planning/making my holiday gifts for friends and family.

I used to put such an effort into being productive and always doing something to better myself and life. I’m not really sure where that person went, but I’d like it if she came back and stayed a while for some much needed healing.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

On Turning Sixteen

12/8/18

So, 3 days ago, I turned sixteen. Which is crazy. I remember when the first friends I made on here were sixteen. And now I’m there.

It used to seem so far away, even a week ago, me turning sixteen just seemed distant.

I honestly don’t think I ever fully grasped that I’d grow up. Every birthday is a little shocking to me. I have a tradition where every year I watch the clock turn to the minute I was born and that always solidifies things for me. Watching the number change makes me realize how much I’ve grown.

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of looking back at old photos. Having my baby cousin run around my grandma’s house the way I used to makes me really nostalgic. And looking through photos, remembering the moment they were taken, remembering myself fix my hair and smile, is kind of crazy.

I went through that phase where I thought teenagers were the coolest people on the planet. So to be a teenager makes my 7 year old self really excited. But it makes present-day me feel really bittersweet inside.

This year, I went to school on my birthday. Which I know a lot of people hate and a lot of students take off to celebrate. But for me, going to school on my birthday made me so happy. I haven’t been in school on my birthday in 2 years. I remember last year I spent the entire day home in my room feeling lonely.

This year, I walked into my homeroom which had been decorated for me by my friends. There were presents waiting for me and a giant card which had been passed around all the homerooms for people to sign. The thought that went into the gifts I received from my friends was astonishing and I almost cried. I am so grateful to be in such a happier, healthier place.

Time really does heal all wounds. If it hasn’t healed, not enough time has passed.

But my birthday also made me feel pretty sad for a number of reasons. There’s quite a few people that I wish I could’ve spent it with but unfortunately, they’re not around anymore. I really wished my grandpa had been sitting at the dinner table telling stories of when he was sixteen and learning to drive.

That’s another thing, I got a freaking learners permit! I can drive a car now. I went for the first time on my birthday and kinda ran over a curb but it was fine. Sitting in the drivers seat, being in control, was mind-blowing. I’ve watched my parents drive for years knowing one day I would and there I was, doing it.

Also, they make it look so easy. Oh my gosh it is not that simple. I’ve never had to focus on so many things at the same time but also not focus too hard because there were other things to focus on.

Turning sixteen has really opened my eyes a bit. I am responsible for myself way more than I ever was. But that also means that I am in control. For the first time in a long time, I feel capable of controlling my life instead of turning to the people around me and trusting them to take the reigns.

I can do this. I can get to the place I want to be in and do the things I want to do. I’m not the same person I was at thirteen who was losing her mind and falling apart at the seams. I am 16, and I’ve got this.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Quotes That Help Get Me Through Bad Days

“Promise me you will always remember: You are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” -AA Milne

“You’re not as simple as they wanted you to be” -unknown

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” -Theodore Roosevelt

“Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night” -unknown

“To the world, you may be one person; but to one person, you may be the world” -Michelle Phan

“Don’t believe everything you think” -unknown

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow” -Albert Einstein

“Practice like you’ve never won. Preform like you’ve never lost”-unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“She believed she could, so she did.” -unknown

“Never stop being a good person because of bad people.” -Jay Shetty

“You are deserving of the kindness you show others”-unknown

“Whatever you are, be a good one.” -Abraham Lincoln

“You’ve survived 100% of your worst days” -unknown

“It hurt because it mattered” -John Green

“People never forget how you made them feel.” -unknown

Thanks for reading. I hope you found a quote to lift your spirits.

See ya soon!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

Beauty Blogger Award

Hey guys welcome back. So Liss and I have been nominated by the wonderful notsoanonymousmermaid to do the Beauty Blogger Award! Thanks so much for the nomination.

I nominate

Aspen

Elm

Internet Introvert

ramblingteen28

Sorry if you’ve already been nominated, now you just have a double nomination. 🙂

My Answers

What is your favourite part of your make up routine?  Eyes. I love experimenting with different colors.

If you could only use one make up product everyday what would it be and why?  Mascara.

If you could go to one award ceremony this awards season what one would it be? Kids choice awards. Yes I’m a complete child and I also had no clue what to put down.

Summer or winter?  Winter all the way! I can’t stand it when it’s disgustingly hot out.

What item of clothing is your must have this season? Fuzzy pajamas.

What is your favourite clothing brand/ shop? I’m not much of a shopper but I do like this online store called Delia’s.

If you could only use one brand of make up for the rest of your life what brand would it be and why? I’m going to say Sephora ( that’s a brand right ) because all of my makeup is from there.

What is your favourite perfume? I don’t wear actual perfume but I have a vanilla body splash that I really like.

A hair colour you would love to go? I’ve always said that if I died my hair a natural color, it’d be red so red.

If you could go on a date with one celebrity who would it be and why? I don’t know, Luke Hemmings just because I don’t know who else to say.

My Questions

1. When do you feel most beautiful?
2. How often do you wear makeup?
3. Do you believe there is a difference between pretty and beautiful?
4. Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color? If so what would it be?
5. What is your favorite band?
6. Do you prefer the heat or cold? Why?
7. If you could only shop in one store forever, what store would It be?
8. What is your favorite makeup product?
9. What is your favorite makeup brand?
10. What’s your favorite clothing item?

Okay guys that’s it. I hope you enjoyed this post because I spent quite a bit of time on it. Thank you for reading and have a great rest of your day or night.

See ya soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Dani

(^^)/

 

 

 

 

STORYTIME!

Hey welcome back. So today Liss and I are doing our blogs together. I’m not sure doing exactly but I’ll let Liss talk now.

Heyyyyyyyyyy

So what’s good internet? Me and Dani are jamming to Love Yourself by Biebs and talking about SWEED

Okay so Liss wasn’t getting anything done so story time with Dani while she calms down.

*Dani’s paragraph got deleted*

SO my story is about this kid I will call SWEED so we were walking together from math to lunch and we were talking so all of a sudden his friend comes up. He says, “Hey Swe-”

and he screams,

“DON’T EMBARASS ME!”

So I’m just walking there really awkwardly next to them and then the kid looks at me then SWEED and says,

“YOU LIKE HER!”

And then he runs ahead.

So Sweed is there cursing to himself and then looks at me. So, I say

“I know you don’t

So he runs ahead too, to catch his friend.

BUT WHY THE FLUFF????

Ugh I was so pissed but that’s all hope you enjoyed

~Liss 🙂 Dani ❤

 

Blogmas day 8!!!

Today are some life hacks for winter!!

1. Make your makeup look natural! Too much blosh or eyeliner looks like you’ve been out in the cold or cried your eyes out! 

2.Dont loose yourself this winter! Keep yourself in check just because short short are out doesn’t mean you can gain all the weight you want! Just keep yourself in check!

3.Dont eat all organic a treat yourself it’s the holidays christmas is your only excuse to go ham! Just keep it under control

4.Wear your comfiest sweaters NOW! Winter will be over before you know it embrace the fact you can wear sweatpants and sweaters without being told it’s not appropriate

5.Play in your snow.. I know putting on your snowsuit it’s a pain but its worth it to play in the snow again only here for a little while!

-Liss

Blogmas day 5

Hey guys so today is music to listen to during the winter season. I hope you enjoy!

1.Let it go

2.jingle bells

3.baby it’s cold outside ❤

4.Holly Jolly Christmas

5.  Feliz Navidad

6. All I want for Christmas is you ❤

7.frosty the snowman

8.silent night 

9.Here comes Santa Claus

10. Under the Mistletoe 

I love these song so that’s my top ten!!! I really hope you enjoyed and like for Christmas and Dani’s birthday!!!!

~Liss

Decisions and Dani’s birthday!

today I was so stressed it was unreal.

I ate like a fricking pig, I am on IT, I am bloated as all heck, and I had to ditch my grandparents for schoolwork. Honestly I want to cry. On the bright side my friend met twaimz and took a video of him saying “I love you Liss,” and then blowing a kiss.

It made my existence. No joke

But tomorrow I am motivated to do better. I’m getting on my moms elliptical (with her permission.. Good child 🙂 ) and I’m gonna not eat any junk food. 

So blogmas is coming after this soon and I have my schoolwork to do and a project to memorize.

BTW HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANI!!!!!

~Liss